Wank-a-thon Update

The aforementioned wankathon took place last weekend at a London photographic studio. According to The Observer the ‘dozens’ of volunteers were mostly male. Well, yes. The studio contained:

Moroccan-style lanterns and cushions, red and gold drapes, ornate mirrors and erotic pictures and statuettes.

Ornate mirrors? I can’t decide whether looking up to see a reflected room full of guys namedropping M.C. Masturbation would be a complete turn-off or just very, very funny. Women and men were given separate rooms, although I don’t know what to make of this:

Gazing slightly nervously up the testosterone-heavy queue was a Czech student who gave her name only as Jana. The 27-year-old was not taking part but acted as an interpreter for her friend, Marcel Rimel, 20, one of four Czechs who had been sponsored to make the journey for this event.

I am entertained by the idea of Jana interpreting Marcel throughout. Also, in case people had trouble getting into the mood:

Lubricants and pornographic magazines were provided, as were bottles of water, boxes of Capri-Sun and

sorry, Paul

packets of Cadburys shortcake biscuits.

There was one protester: a male primary school teacher and, you guessed it, Christian. Because without religion there’s no need to obsess over other people’s orgasms. He held placards saying “People of Islington? Do you want this? Are you not offended?’ and ‘Masturbation or public degradation?'”. He also argued that his children might explode, or something, if they read about the event in the newspaper. Tom Hamilton’s response to this made me laugh.

Apparently one of the event’s security guards ‘quit on the spot’ when he found out what he was protecting. To be fair, he was in a sticky situation.

I can’t find anything on the competitive aspects, sadly. The event raised over £500 for HIV charities, and I’m assuming everybody went home happy.

This post is really just an excuse to make juvenile jokes

Ah, summer.

In what must surely be one of the summer’s more bizarre events, hundreds of people are expected to gather in a hall in central London on August 5 to pleasure themselves in aid of charity.


Prizes will be on offer for those who clock up the most orgasms and those who can masturbate the longest – the current record, according to the organisers, is a chafing eight-and-a-half hours.

Eight and a half hours?! I think I’d just get bored.

To qualify for the record, the organisers say “at least 55 minutes of every hour shall be spent self-pleasuring by manual or sex toy stimulation” with participants getting just five minutes to “replenish and renew”.

Could make for a fun lunch hour. I’m amused by the idea of the judges – I’d have to be paid rather well to watch people holding the sausage hostage for eight-hours straight. It’s all for charity:

The organiser of the event, the San Francisco-based Centre for Sex and Culture, has run mass masturbation events in the US for the past five years to raise money for safe sex groups and plans to replicate the formula in the UK.

Is it just men, do you think? Difficult to imagine many women turning up…The real fuss, however, is that Channel 4 are making a documentary about it:

Cameras from independent production company Zig Zag, which made Essex Boys for ITV1, will follow the organisers and participants for a 60-minute film, which has the working title of Wank-a-thon. It is expected to air on Channel 4 towards the end of the year.

This could be quite an interesting show, I think. What would motivate people to dance the sticky rumba in public? How many people have turned up at previous events? Do they regret it afterwards? Unfortunately, this quote perhaps sums up their approach:

Zig Zag said in its blurb for the show: “This year it’s time to bring the event across the pond to see if the great British public can embrace mass public masturbation. It’s time to find out if the only things allowed to be stiff in Britain are upper lips.”

Perhaps I’ll skip this one. No, wait. It should be banned. That’s it, yeah. Furthermore, Channel 4 are showing it as part of a ‘wank week’. Come off it.

Vulgarity and the House of Commons

There’s a fair amount of chatter regarding Claire Curtis-Thomas’ bid to place “lad’s mags” on the top shelf of newsagents. I’m still figuring out a logical way to approach the subject, but a side note of interest is this quote:

Ms Curtis-Thomas said descriptions of sexual acts in the ‘Dictionary of Porn’ in an April edition of Zoo magazine are “so graphic and repulsive I am prevented from quoting it on the floor of the House of Commons.”

I think this is more rhetorical trick than real statement – it seems unlikely she would have read them out anyway – but is there any truth to it? Are there things she wouldn’t be allowed to say in the House of Commons? If so, that’s stupid.

In related matters, Lord Tebbit thinks that Jonathan Ross asking David Cameron:

Did you or did you not have a wank thinking ‘Margaret Thatcher’?


an obscene attack on – and I use the word literally, obscene – on Margaret Thatcher.

I think some people need to lighten up. Also, it would help if they watched the interview and saw the context of the query. Interesting question, though: is it ever offensive to have somebody fantasise about you? Even if you’d rather they didn’t, or even if it’s in a stalker-esque manner, isn’t the act inherently flattering? Maybe if they were misrepresenting you, but then it wouldn’t really be a fantasy about you…Not sure. This links in with lad’s mags, in a way.

Incidentally, JR’s (extremely good, imho) interview with DC is available on the BBC website, but the offending segment has been cut out so you should watch it here and here instead.

Christmas Muppetry

I was out at a christmas party last night. Towards the end of the evening I was passed a note by somebody who shall remain nameless1:

Palm Sunday, surely?

I can see her wishing me this on palm sunday, but christmas? Or maybe she just wanted to subtly call me a wanker 🙂 I should frame it!

Later, as we were leaving, I decided it would be a good idea to draw pictures in the condensation on Ben’s car window. On seeing this, he did the same to mine.

Now, this is me. You would expect nothing more than some pictures of fish, a monkey that looks like a cat, and perhaps ‘doggingmobile’ written on the back window. Ben, though, is high class. Ben is a physics graduate at Oxford. Surely our scribblings would be dissimilar? No:

My Car Ben's car

At midnight, this was very funny indeed. I’m 22, he’s 23. Do you think we should have grown up by now? After giggling over this for a while, we moved onto a nearby vehicle2.

  1. it was Lynsey []
  2. Nod’s []