wongaBlog
7May/103

Election night 2010

This might be incoherent, as I was up until half 7 this morning and have only slept fitfully since, but it's worth a try. With one massive caveat, election night 2010 was almost quite fun. As I settled in at 22:00 last night, I was dreading the thought of a  Tory majority. So the all-to-play-for exit poll was a nice surprise. The BBC election team of course then spent hours telling me it was probably wrong, and when the first few seats saw a huge Conservative swing I was close to calling it a night. Then it all started to go haywire, with small swings in Tory easy targets, Wales and Scotland comprehensively rejecting anything blue, and confusion generally setting in. I really wanted to stay up for a few particular results, and if I could also witness the Tories not win, all the better. And, of course, the exit poll turned out to be almost spot on, even if nobody's quite sure how.

I can't pretend to be thrilled with the result, but it could be far, far worse. I didn't want a Tory rout - a large Conservative government with a mandate to do whatever they want is a very unpleasant thought. But I didn't mind Labour getting a bit chastened, either - they could do with an ideological rethink in a few areas, and I think this may happen once Gordon Brown goes, which he presumably will. But I was hoping this would happen by a swing to the Lib Dems, and their lack of progress is a real shame. Obviously they have an important role over the next few days, and hopefully they'll finally manage to extract electoral reform from whichever party ends up ruling (and this may save Nick Clegg). That said, I just can't imagine a Lib-Lab Lib-Con coalition working for long. Lib-Lab, maybe; Lib-Con - they're just too different: the Lib Dems are, you know, nice.

However, while yesterday I'd have been disappointed at the possibility of another general election, that all changed at 05:30 when Evan Harris lost by 176 votes to a Christian candidate. That is bloody not ok. Evan Harris was the shining light of science and reason in the House of Commons. In the past decade he's repealed the blasphemy laws; led the charge on blocking religious hatred laws; campaigned fiercely for libel reform, stem cell research, and assisted dying legislation; spoken against admissions and employment discrimination by faith schools; held back anti-abortion amendments, and - in the last few days of the last parliament - unleashed hell upon the government for ramming through the Digital Economy Act. For all these things the religious lobby hate him and launched a huge media slur campaign - and they're crowing today. This has to be fixed. This year I offered to help his campaign as a photographer, but this wasn't something they needed, and for whatever reason I didn't get involved further, despite receiving a general email asking for help with distributing leaflets etc.. I feel pretty bad about this. Next time I'll do whatever they want, and hopefully half of the skeptical community on Twitter will be there too.

Staying up through the night with just Twitter for company is great. There's a nice sense of a shared experience, with everyone who's still awake at 4am suffering a bit and keeping each other going. And when there's bad news it's cathartic to join in with the general fury, and then everyone yells at the Tories. So big thanks to my witching hour chums.

22Aug/090

Utahraptor does Twitter

Behold, Dinosaur Comics fed by a random tweet:

Twitter / Dinosaur Comics mashup

The first panel comes from Twitter, the second from a random comic. I do not know why this is the funniest thing ever, yet it is. Refresh for more non-sequitur tyrannosaur action.

14May/090

Trending topic instamemes

Twitter recently introduced a 'trending topics' sidebar, showing the most popular words/phrases over the last few minutes. This is a) pretty clever, given the volume of messages it must be parsing b) a time sink. The latter because people dream up topics on which to make very silly jokes, 'tagging' them with a keyword like #whymonkeysareawesome or #thingsivehadupmynose. I then feel obliged to join in, and the situation naturally degrades into total filth. Witness the results of #whensweetsgobad:

  • Wether's Reject
  • Poolos
  • SARS Bar
  • Sknickers
  • Sugar-daddy mice
  • KitCat Chunky
  • Curlies-wurly
  • Cream Egg
  • Turkish Delilah
  • Minnie Eggs
  • Bendicks Mingeles1
  • Chocolatey Claires

I couldn't bring myself to submit 'Stick of Cock' or 'Jewsters'. Much time is spent clicking on the trending topic to see everyone else's ideas: 'Milf duds' was a favourite, and I gave up when some genius posted 'Menstruals'. Then there was the less dirty but equally addictive #unlikelysequels:

  • Turns Out, Breakable
  • Being John Major
  • When Harry Met Cindy
  • The Terminal: This Time It Just Might Be
  • The Land About Now
  • Frost/Grossman
  • Mamma: MIA
  • The Abyss 2: Polyfilla
  • Saving Private Equity
  • Blade Roller
  • The Grapes of Nom
  • Groundhog D-Day

It's actually ridiculous fun, and a new type of thing: twitter's instant broadcast-messaging is really quite remarkable. But it eats my evenings.

(apologies for the title: I can't decide whether 'instameme' is a terrible thing to do to the English language.)

  1. I apologised for this one, and a friend remarked he'd never be able to look at them the same way again []
13May/090

Twitter-compatible love poems for the RSC

The RSC is running a love poem competition to help decorate the set of their upcoming production of 'As You Like It'. There's a twitter category with a maximum length of 135 characters. I entered a few:

The humming when you're thinking,
how I always feel so small,
the mess, that laugh, the endless fuss:
you're such a pain. Please call.

It's not the kisses I remember,
or that final whispered call.
Just your hand upon my shoulder:
that's it, that's all; that's all.

I've stood upon the runways,
faced down their toys of war,
but it seems, alas, I'd let them fly
to hold your hand once more.

Take it from me:
this idea of love,
this empty, deadly, space.
Take it from me.

I could try and try and then one day
remember and not feel.
But it seems to me, if that's the price,
I don't much want to heal.

And a couple that didn't make the cut:

I fell for you that wicked night,
I sang it to you then.
But no such luck, so from this spot,
I fall for you again.

Drag me through the gates of hell, my love
and lash me to the rocks.
Let loose the fiendish hordes, my dear,
I'll wait.

Nothing special, but I like writing poems - it's way too long since I've tried.

18Mar/090

Tuesday braindump

The New York Times has a surprisingly clear essay on why jokes are hard to remember:

Really great jokes, on the other hand, punch the lights out of do re mi. They work not by conforming to pattern recognition routines but by subverting them. “Jokes work because they deal with the unexpected, starting in one direction and then veering off into another,” said Robert Provine, a professor of psychology at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, and the author of “Laughter: A Scientific Investigation.” “What makes a joke successful are the same properties that can make it difficult to remember.”

People sometimes ask why I despise the tabloids so much. Here's the reason: the front page of the Scottish Sunday Express this weekend exposed the shocking behaviour of the now-18-year-old survivors of the Dunblane massacre. It's an utterly despicable piece of journalism, and Andrew lays into it appropriately:

They, or at least some of them, are drinking and fighting and having sex and then posting about it on social networking sites. That all sounds pretty reasonable to me, and it’s actually good to see that the shooting hasn’t totally wrecked their abilities to live normal lives. But the Express seems to think that that’s somehow Not On. No, these people are Dunblane Survivors, and that means they have to spend their every waking second Honouring The Memory Of Their Fallen Classmates. If they do anything else, like have fun or something, they’re Shaming Their Fallen Classmates.

The Sci-Fi channel is aiming to shake its 'geeky image', by changing its name to 'SyFy'. Apparently they a) only have the 1980's definition of 'geek' and b) have no concept of the people who watch their shows. Patronising cretins:

During its fourth-quarter earnings call, parent General Electric said Sci Fi racked up a double-digit increase in operating earnings despite the beginnings of the recession.

Nevertheless, there was always a sneaking suspicion that the name was holding the network back.

“The name Sci Fi has been associated with geeks and dysfunctional, antisocial boys in their basements with video games and stuff like that, as opposed to the general public and the female audience in particular,” said TV historian Tim Brooks, who helped launch Sci Fi Channel when he worked at USA Network.

qwghlm has a thoughtful piece on the reasons Twitter has taken off a few years after the rise of blogging, and why 140-character-brevity isn't indicative of short attention spans:

Watchmen (and the other examples Johnson cites and expounds upon inEverything Bad Is Good For You) show that when consuming media, depth and brevity are not totally irreconcilable; you can concentrate on something difficult and concrete as well as enjoying content 140 characters at a time. And yet Twitter often gets demonised as a posterboy for the inanity of Web 2.0. Perhaps that’s no surprise, with its chief characteristics of brevity and ephemerality, the exact opposite of how we have consumed media in the past. Given that “value” of old media was often measured on its length (writers being paid by the word) or durability (all those books and records on your shelves), what’s produced in new media is often characterised as comparatively worthless, particularly by those who cut their teeth in the old media.

Finally, the iPhone 3.0 software was announced today. Lots of cool stuff: picture-messaging, cut-and-paste, control of bluetooth devices (great if you have one of those house-controlling boxes) and turn-by-turn navigation, meaning I can finally leave the sat-nav at home. It's seems to be just me left disappointed by the lack of video recording (maybe I've missed something). After seeing the Nokia N95's impressively high-quality recording of Thriller last week, I was really hoping it'd come to the iPhone. Hopefully they're leaving that for a hardware announcement this summer...

24Feb/091

Darwin / Obama mashup posters

BoingBoing recently featured a bunch of Darwin/Obama mashup posters:

Very gradual change/// Change. Over time.

I like. There are a couple more versions, on badges and t-shirts too. A bunch of us on twitter are putting in a bulk order to save on shipping. Let me know if you'd like in...

Tagged as: , , 1 Comment
15Feb/090

#ldntwestival

Twestival #7On Thursday evening I headed down to Shoreditch for the London Twestival - my local-ish gathering of an international festival organised in aid of charity:water. I'd booked a ticket on a whim, and hadn't been able to talk anyone I knew into coming, so I figured I'd turn up and see what happened. 

The directions on the website lead to a dead end, but thankfully a group of similarly confused people were hovering nearby, so I joined them. We eventually found our way to the queue, and stood in the driving snow for twenty minutes before finally getting inside. Genius here wasn't wearing a proper coat, and had no umbrella, so was rather soaked by this point. Thankfully it was pretty warm inside, and it didn't take long to dry off.

I grabbed a name badge and wandered into the main area. There were two large rooms, both rammed full and only navigable by pushing. Unfortunately my group had left / disappeared by now, so I was on my own and not entirely sure what to do. So I put on my wandering photographer hat and moved back and forth for a while, just trying to get a sense of what was going on. 

It was less geeky than you'd think. There were lots of iPhones, but much more alcohol. One of the rooms had a bar and live music. I glanced at plenty of name badges, and recognised Rory Cellan-Jones (BBC tech correspondent), the excellent @atheistbus, who I had a quick chat with, and @qwghlm, whose twitter stream I don't follow, but whose blog I do - I wasn't sure it was the same guy, though, so didn't say anything. I only mention this because it turns out I had a meal with him and seven others on Saturday evening, but didn't realise it until today. Just one of those slightly odd coincidences. Anyway.

A few years ago I'd have found it pretty intimidating on my own, but I was actually fine, if a little bored. I thought about wandering up to friendly-looking groups and introducing myself, but that seemed a bit weird - do people do that? The music wasn't really my thing, and I stayed for just under an hour before ducking out.

As far as I could tell the event was a success - everyone I saw seemed to be having a good time. It was interesting to be there, but I'll have to get better at twitter networking before next time, I think.

9Feb/090

Booked for the London Twestival

I've just booked a ticket for the London Twestival. I figure I'll wander around with a camera and see what happens. I'm currently on my own, so if anyone's going and fancies meeting up...

27Jan/090

Tweeting Brand

Just FYI. Don't tell the Mail.

I enjoyed Jonathan's return to the BBC last weekend. There were immediate complaints about a crack on his radio show (that made me laugh), but - for what seems like the first time in ages - the BBC actually stood up for themselves. Hooray!

They seem to be doing that quite a bit this week, in slightly odd ways. I admit to being baffled by their refusal to screen a Gaza aid appeal on the grounds of impartiality. But - as with anything related to Israel / Palestine - I have no idea what I'm talking about, so I won't.

7Jan/097

Improve your sex life with magic tricks

Here is a very useful video on using magic tricks to pick up women. If you can make it through two minutes without wanting to crawl into a bucket and die, you're better than me:

Worth it for the utterly baffling final three seconds, though.

Take it from an ex-teenage-magician: you will not impress women by performing magic tricks. At all. Ever. Every male magician tries to envisage situations where the opposite is true, but it never happens. The closest I ever heard anyone get was David Copperfield, when he was mugged a couple of years ago. In front of his two female assistants, he showed the mugger his 'empty' pockets, despite having a wallet and mobile phone in them. Not very heroic, but not bad. Except the mugger then robbed the assistants, which totally ruined it.

Via Graham Linehan's twitter account, via Jonathan Ross, who's been vetting celebrity tweeters for the last couple of days. Graham Linehan = real. Eddie Izzard, Jeremy Clarkson and Jack Dee, not so much. He's apparently going to try and talk Russell Brand into joining, which would be entertaining. I miss my weekly dose of Brand insanity.