wongaBlog
5Feb/102

Video results

My uni results came in this evening, and my video project did spectacularly badly. The video itself got 37%, which is quite the achievement - I don't know of anyone who's managed a lower score. The how-i-made-it documentation pulled the overall mark up to 40%, which is the lowest possible mark to still get a third.

They had two major problems with it: the lack of research, which I hold my hands up to, and the concept, which was 'inconceivable' and totally unrealistic. I don't want to whine, but it seems reasonable to mention this is from the teachers who, when I pitched a previous idea about a party political broadcast that focussed on under-appreciated issues, told me it would be better if I made up all the issues, as this would be surreal.

I don't know - maybe a non-realistic Childline theme was a tasteless thing to do. I knew it wasn't a completely believable situation, but I thought the metaphors were clear and had a strong enough message to justify the liberties. Maybe this is just wishful thinking.

They also said my technical skills were weak, which hurts. If there's one area I thought I was fine, it was the technical side.

So I'm a bit down about the whole thing. The low mark doesn't actually affect anything important, due to the weird averaging-out system of marking, but it's not nice being told that something you worked very hard at is rubbish. I'll get over it, though.

Other than that, my essay got 63%, which is my lowest essay score, but still a 2:1. I'm fine with that. The lecturer crossed out all the don'ts, can'ts, won'ts, etc. on the basis that contractions are 'not appropriate for an academic text'. This is the first I've heard of it - all my essays have used contractions - and I suspect I got a (ridiculously) old-fashioned dude. Who are these academics who can't understand contractions? Luck of the draw, I guess.

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12Dec/090

The Self and The Penis

This term at uni was rather odd. There was surprisingly little work, and very few lectures. Of the few, though, two stood out. One was about properly interesting philosophy, although nothing to do with photography. And one was about how racism is caused by penises.

You see, when you're growing up you pay a lot of attention to parental genitalia. It may seem like you don't, but let's pretend you do. If you're male, you get very upset that your mother doesn't have a penis. If you're female, you get very upset that your father has a penis and you don't. You then go through 'mirror stages' and formulate the concept of the Other, and eventually your penis-based psychological trauma manifests itself in conveniently subconscious and unfalsifiable ways that result in us all being racist. The lecturer in question was a PhD student at my university. She was very enthusiastic about her subject. We were less so.

I've been moaning about the psychoanalytic bullshit on my course for a couple of years now, and I still find it irritating as hell. Previous years were at least fairly academic: here's some Freudian drivel about why we look at photographs the way we do, blah, whatever. But the causes of racism aren't academic - that's a pretty important subject, and I have a huge problem with lecturers spouting spectacularly stupid crap to people who may well believe them (through no fault of their own - it's reasonable to expect uni lecturers to know what they're talking about). Especially when you're implying that a) we're all racist and b) there's nothing we can do about it.

There was some skepticism in the room, I'm pleased to say. A couple of the second years made her clarify some evasive language. As ever with psychoanalysis, it was all dressed up to maintain a veneer of respectability: your mother not having a penis is called 'the lack', presumably so they don't have to keep saying the word 'penis', and so you can just say stuff like 'the lack causes us to behave differently' and pretend you're not talking shit. But we made her spell it out, penises and all, just so we were clear. This was quite funny. Then another of the younger students queried, magnificently, whether we were learning this for historical context or we were meant to believe it was true. The answer was muddy, and eventually we asked outright if there was any evidence. We were told the guy who came up with it thought it was true. So that's all right. I eventually got her to say out loud it was 'just a theory'1, but it was a brief moment of lucidity.

So that was pretty annoying. A couple of weeks later, though, the course redeemed itself with the most interesting lecture we've ever had. A lecture that actually inspired me to willingly research the topic, which is, um, rare.

We'd been given a David Hume essay on 'the self' - essentially our inner experience of our own consciousness. But, rather than simply go through the essay, in this lecture we were taken on a grand story, beginning with Decartes and ending with Hume, explaining the different philosophical arguments. Decartes had his famous 'I think therefore I am', from which he derived, well, some dubious stuff, but was still pretty clever. Then Hume came along and demolished this concept of 'I', pointing out that his own inner experience consists of a bunch of perceptions, which are linked only by memory, which isn't necessarily reliable. 'I' is therefore at least a bit problematic.

I found it all very interesting, and it wasn't presented in any kind of dogmatic way. The only problem came at the end, when the lecturer linked it to photography. Firstly, this was surprisingly dull by comparison, and secondly, he did so by referencing Cindy Sherman, which is a bit of a cheat.

cindysherman1Cindy Sherman is a bingo photographer. We sit in lectures with so-far-theoretical bingo cards, ready to stamp the names of Cindy Sherman, Rineke Dijkstra, Andreas Gursky and - above all others - Bernd and Hilla Becher. As a general rule, three of the four will turn up (always the Bechers - despite their portfolio consisting entirely of industrial buildings). If you get all four, there are Not Really Prizes. Anyway - Cindy Sherman's most famous work saw her photographing herself in various film-like scenes - I've put a couple of shots on the right. She's often unrecognisable from one image to the next, and so this was linked to the Hume concept of the self: what does it mean to say we are always the same person?

cindysherman2Thing is, Cindy Sherman is massively ambiguous. You can read a lot into her images, and nobody will ever tell you you're wrong. Feminism, politics, film theory, even philosophical concepts of the self - you can make arguments for all these interpretations (and people have). I suppose you'd have trouble saying Cindy Sherman was about soup, but I bet you could give it a go. None of which is to say anything about the quality of the photography (if you believe in such things) just that it's sometimes suspiciously easy to corral it into an argument.

So the photography part of the lecture was a bit weak, but the philosophy fascinating. We have to write an essay on something we've found interesting this term, so I figured I'd read up on the latter. This sent me on a fascinating journey through Greek/Roman/medieval/Renaissance/Enlightenment attitudes to the self, which intrinsically links into discussions of the roles of faith and reason2, then the various political theories that fell out of these concepts. It's been great. I have learnt a lot. Unfortunately, none of it has much to do with photography.

You may be thinking: you're doing the wrong degree. And you may well be right. But I do enjoy the practical side, and I only have 17 months to go, and I'm going to get through it, dammit. In this case I think I've been saved by the aforementioned ambiguity. You can find photographers to back up whatever you like. I've got a bunch who are "clearly" discussing the differing relations of subject to state, and the inner experience thereof, as regards Greeks vs. civilizations with absolute rulers. It's obvious, just like Cindy Sherman.

So I've finished an unsatisfactory term with an essentially historical/philosophical essay, plus some photographs to pretty it up. This may be taking the mickey - we'll see. However, I'd rather have too much history and too little photography than it be entirely about penises.

  1. which felt odd, given the usual connotations of that phrase []
  2. Greeks = reason!; medieval thinkers = reason bad! faith good!; renaissance = WTF medieval thinkers!; enlightenment = ok time to grow up now []
23Feb/091

Results on my dubious essay

Earlier this year I blogged about struggling with an essay on 'en abyme' photography. I ended up criticising the concept, and I was worried this might not go down well. Last Friday the essay came back from marking, and walking down the corridor to collect it took a long time. It turns out I got 75/100, and possibly the most begrudging first ever. Some of the lecturer's notes:

  • "The slightly smug tone of your writing style requires a little adjustment"
  • "...an unnecessarily obtuse opening paragraph..."
  • Under one sentence: "awkward phrasing"
  • Under another: "ugh..."
  • And another: "don't be banal."
  • I mentioned the mirror in Velazquez' Las Meninas, and I'm told I should have written "painting of a mirror". Because people are likely to imagine a real mirror glued to the canvas, I suppose.

All of which is pretty funny. Slightly smug!

But while it's tempting to interpret this as begrudging, that wouldn't necessarily be fair. It's entirely possible that's just this lecturer's marking style (which I quite like, actually - it's far more entertaining than the average dry analysis), but what puzzles me is a comment about "some odd leaps in logic, some hasty deductions". That's fair enough - I might disagree, but fine - but it's curious I got a decent mark despite such issues. I've said before that it seems my essays are marked more by construction than content, and I think this is more evidence for that idea. It's a strange way of doing things. But if that's how things are, it's how things are; I'm just glad it's over.

8Jan/092

Essay finished. Ra.

Thank. Goodness.

I left in most of the contentious stuff. I bumped up the bibliography a bit with various quotations, though, and even managed to shoehorn in some Michel Foucault. I don't much much about Foucault other than my teachers love him. Thankfully I found a relevant quote on the first few pages of a Google Book, as it was already getting a bit...obscure.

We had to submit an electronic version by 18:00. The uni is trying out automatic anti-plagiarism software, and we had to upload our essays straight into it. Unfortunately, it's somewhat limited: it doesn't support anything but .doc files (no .docx), and they can't contain images. Being photography students, our essays had a fair few images, but we all duly produced Word-97-compatible-image-free documents, and hit 'Upload'.

Thing is, it also doesn't support Safari, except it doesn't know it doesn't support Safari, so leaves you forever hanging on the 'uploading file' page. I was ok, but some of my Mac-based classmates had trouble. It's fine if you know enough to realise a Word document shouldn't take half an hour to upload, and think to try Firefox (if you even have it installed) instead, but if not - and frankly there's little reason you should - it's pretty frustrating when the deadline is fast approaching. I can't believe nobody spotted that before unleashing it on the student population.

The system lets you see your own personal plagiarism report. Apparently some of my quotations are also found in other places.

I still need to submit a physical version by the end of tomorrow. Thankfully I have to hit the darkrooms for an hour or so anyway, or it'd be a lot of travelling just to deliver something they already have.

Anyway, it's done! I am partying. Well, I'm not. I might go watch some Sports Night as a reward, though.

4Jan/096

Essaying en abyme

I'm currently writing an essay, and it's not my finest work. It's about 'photography en abyme', which is when a photo contains metaphorical references to the process of photography. Like: when the image includes a mirror reflecting part of the scene, this is just like the photograph itself. I use italics because people get quite excited about it all. I myself do not. As with all the topics last term, it took me forever to understand what they were saying, and when I did it was all pretty obvious. This is because my chosen degree suffers badly from science envy, and makes easy things sound complicated to justify itself (proper science, meanwhile, does the exact opposite). Photography en abyme tries very hard to sound deep, but isn't really, and you'd think writing an essay on it wouldn't be difficult. Not so much. I'm hitting a referencing wall.

My course is obsessed with referencing. You have to say the correct things, but only if you can find someone - a published someone - to say it for you. Essays at my level aren't about thinking, they're about reporting what other people think - almost all of my essay feedback has been about the size of the bibliography. There's an element of brainwork required to pull it all together, but it's learning how to write essays rather than using them to say anything. I think this is pretty weird, but hey; maybe you're not meant to start thinking for yourself until the dissertation. Anyway, I've been doing ok up to now, because I'm a better essay writer than I am a photographer - I can bullshit pretty well when necessary. The problem this time is I've run out of people to quote.

I've resorted to saying something original, which is a bit risky. I spent five parargraphs making up a bunch of metaphors to demonstrate the power of the en abyme concept - "the image is framed within the subject's glasses: he's seeing it through a lens, just like us" etc. - which boosted my word count enough that I'm in sight of the 2800 minimum, but is utterly devoid of references. This could be very bad. Also, I'm so desperate for content that I've been dissecting arguments, which might not go down well either.

You see, there is a little more to en abyme than just the metaphorical angle, but it's a bit silly. There's a convuluted attempt to link it to linguistics, and then to declare a 'genuine rhetoric of the image', which boils down to objective meaning: pretty much the holy grail of photographic theory. Again, once you strip away the verbiage it's pretty simple, and, sadly, moofed. Where it isn't vague, it confuses correlation and causation. When it's not doing that, it's invoking Lacanian theories of child psychology that no modern child psychologist looks twice at, and didn't have any evidence even at the time. I've torn it to shreds. I'm genuinely intrigued as to how my lecturers will react to this - one in particular is very fond of en abyme stuff.

I'm currently at 2275, with a large amount of I-could-get-in-trouble-for-this, and I figure a conclusion + references + bibliography1 should be enough to finish it off. I'm a little nervous. Last time I had a first draft written a month before the deadline. This time the deadline's on Thursday. Oops. If I have time, maybe I'll hit the library and try to dig out something to replace the thinking-for-myself parts.

  1. our VERY SHOUTY guidelines are quite clear that these must be included in the minimum word count, despite this penalising people who do more research and therefore being obviously broken []
14Jan/080

Essay handed in

My university doesn't accept essay submissions via post or email, so it was a trip to London this morning to shove an envelope through a letterbox. Still, the trains worked perfectly and it took almost exactly 5hrs, which isn't bad going.

Classes don't start again until February, but we get the project briefings this Friday. So that gives me three worry-free days to, oh, I don't know, earn some money or something.

12Nov/073

Viewing an OpenOffice file on university computers

I posted my essay through the leave-your-essays-here slot, and was done with it. At which point I walked outside and remarked as much to a classmate, who said 'we just need the cover sheet, bibliography and two copies, right?'.

Two copies. Bugger.

I asked at the office and was told I could 'simply' post another copy. This turned out to be way more difficult than you'd think. I'd started writing the essay in Google Docs for portability, but dropped down to OpenOffice due to GD's (and, to be fair, HTML's) lack of proper footnote support. I had the OpenOffice files, but no university computer could read them. Obviously their system doesn't allow you to install anything so OpenOffice itself wasn't an option, and none of the various third-party viewers had a no-setup-necessary download. I tried Zamzar - a website that converts file formats for free - but the conversion to Word format wasn't quite right, and the footers were broken.

I phoned home with the intention of asking somebody to open up the essay in OpenOffice and save it as Word format, in the hope OO's conversion worked better than Zamzar's. While on the phone, however, I realised the obvious solution, and asked them to export to PDF instead. Zamzar probably could have done that, if I'd thought of it. This worked flawlessly, and I was able to print out the emailed copies and hand it in during breaks in the afternoon class.

I can't believe how difficult it turned out to be. If file-types are going to cause this much hassle I'm quite tempted by the ridiculously cheap student version of MS Office.

8Nov/073

Very very very important minutiae

I'm writing the first essay of my course at the moment, and taking completely out-of-proportion exception to the guidance. We have to write references in a specific format: name of author, title in italics, name of editor, etc.. But they're not friendly about it. This is 'the only format that will be accepted1'. 'This is compulsory.' 'Please note that no other referencing format is acceptable, and marks will be deducted for improper format!!'2.

They've managed to say it so often, and in such shouty, patronising, terms, that my no, piss off reaction has kicked in. Obviously a consistent referencing format is convenient for the lecturers, but it is, after all, completely arbitrary and they should stop pretending like it actually matters for anyone but them. Or just ask nicely.

Ok, pointless strop over. Back to work.

  1. Westminster University guidelines for essay writing. Unknown author. []
  2. I am going to deduct marks for using two exclamation marks []