Ok, so my Big Exciting Plan of last October crashed and burned. It was meant to be a big success and proof I could accomplish something, but not only am I now not planning to go to university, my attempt to fix my major regret from college - the D in Maths - resulted in nothing at all! In hindsight, I didn’t work as hard as I should have. I allowed myself to be distracted far too often, and paid for it.

I have a choice now: I can collapse into depression and wait for the combined efforts of everybody around me to pick me up again, or I can throw myself into something new. Clearly, I want to go with the latter.

Today was unpleasant as the news was full of success stories, and it’s no fun at all telling people who’ve been following your progress for nearly a year that you failed. But, when you look at it as a whole, it was just 10 months. It’s not like I’ve lost a decade of my life. I tried something for 10 months and it didn’t work. If I pretend I did nothing wrong then I’ve learnt nothing, but I’m not going to. I know I messed up to an extent, but I understand myself a lot better for it. Anyway, I did get the C in physics, which isn’t to be sneezed at!

I’m listing some accomplishments of the last 10 months not to show off, but for me to look at if I start feeling down:

• I learnt a lot of fascinating physics, and got an A-level out of it
• I did get a good grasp of at least some of the maths (I got a B in the Pure 1 exam)
• I made some new friends over the Internet
• I wrote a lot for this blog, and enjoyed doing so
• I admitted that I wasn’t coping very well in general and got some help, which improved things tremendously
• I started playing the guitar
• I learnt to dance ballroom and latin (is that phraseology allowed?)
• I became much more confident when on my own
• I took some photos of which I’m quite proud
• I wrote, and had ‘published‘, two non-murder mysteries
• I discovered that being open with the world works better for me than keeping things private
• I watched some truly excellent television, saw some truly excellent films, read some truly excellent books, and heard some truly excellent music.

And, sorry to be immodest, but I don’t think that’s at all bad for 10 months. I’ve spent the day flitting between utter despondency and planning for what’s next. Hopefully the former will disappear before too long.

So, what’s next? Writing, for sure. I’ll give myself a few days to calm down and come up with a proper plan. I’m currently thinking about going on holiday, then launching into fully cut-off-from-the-world-during-the-day writing time until christmas. But that may change; who knows

Well, that didn’t go well. C in physics but failed the maths. Failed! I knew I’d done badly, but didn’t realise the extent - I wasn’t expecting that at all. I apparently just don’t have a mathematical brain, which means my interest in the sciences will only ever be just that.

Feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment, but hopefully it’ll pass. After all, I have a physics A-level! Wooooo. 6.5 A-levels isn’t that bad a figure, with 5.5 of them A-C grades. Wouldn’t get me into Oxford, but thankfully I changed my mind about that

Just phoned the school and they’re open from 0930 until 1600, so I’ll give it a little while for the queue to die down.

Results’ day tomorrow! Argh. I phoned the school earlier to find out what time I should turn up, but nobody answered. I think their exams office receives the results today so I guess they’re busy processing. I’ll probably head there some time between 1100 and 1200. These things are always something of an anti-climax once the adrenalin rush passes, so I’ll have to decide on something to do with the afternoon. Any ideas?

If I’m remembering correctly, this time four years ago I was getting ready to go to a party (the only time I’ve ever seen people dancing within metres of gravestones) which was good fun. The next day I went nuts. Like, mental. Everybody else was happy to open their results straight away, but I left it for ages and slowly sank into an absolutely foul mood. I convinced myself I’d done incredibly badly, snapped at everyone in sight and was no fun at all. Finally I opened the envelope, found 2 As, 2 Bs and 1 D (and a B in an AS) and wasn’t much happier. What a muppet. I don’t remember the rest of the day, but I doubt it was that great. I don’t know whether it was stress, or worry about what I was going to do next, or just your basic attention-seeking, but I cringe every time I remember it.

I’m not going to be like that this time (promise, Mum). Like I said before, I’m expecting (approx) a C and a D and hoping for a B and a C, but whatever happens it’s not the end of the world. I’ve figured out what I want to do - namely, writing - and it’s merely a matter of figuring out the best way to do it. So, w00t. Bring it on.

Oh, and following on from that last post…

The first hint I see of ‘all the a-levels are easy and nobody deserves their grades’ is going to result in the biggest broadside I can manage. I hate that every year, but when it’s me they’re talking about? The selfish, snide, uncaring, bollocks-speaking bastards. See, I’m getting annoyed just thinking about it. Don’t make me napalm you.

How to find out the date of A-Level results using the edexcel website in 50 easy steps:

1. Load up website. Find it doesn’t like Opera very much. Open in IE instead.
2. Click ‘Calendar’
3. Click ‘Key Dates’
4. Read: “Key dates can be viewed by Qualification or by Audience Group (Examination Officers, Students or Teachers). Select from the 2 dropdown menus below to browse. A complete list of the key dates by qualifications is available in PDF document format from the Information Manual.”
5. Click ‘Information Manual’
6. Browse list of PDFs, which begin at ‘Autumn Term 2005′. Hmmm, not what you want.At the bottom of the page there’s a PDF link that says ‘Key Dates’ with a ‘new’ logo next to it. Despite the fact that there is no hint as to what this could be…Click it.
7. Look through pdf. This isn’t the correct thing. Close it.
8. On the ‘Information Manual’ page there’s a new menu on the left. One of the options is GCE, which is exam-board speak for ‘a-levels’. Clock this.
9. Aha! Another PDF link. It apparently has ‘Results dates’. W00t. Click this link and open the PDF.
10. Nope, this only has the results dates for exams in 2006. Close this.
11. On the main menu, go back to ‘Services for Centres’. Look around. Any use? No.
12. How about ‘Studying’. Ah, ‘Private candidates’ says “how to make an entry, costs…key dates”. Click this.
13. There’s a PDF link for ‘Information for Private Candidates’. Open this.
14. Look at index, scroll down to ‘GCE’. Look for ‘GCE Key Dates’
15. Aha! Some dates, finally. 21/10/04 - closing date for receipt of entries; 17/03/05 - exam results for Jan exams; 21/03/05 - closing date for receipt of May/June entries. That’s all.
16. Swear. Close pdf.
17. Go back to home page. Have you missed anything? Try ‘Sitemap’
18. What are possibilities here…Click ‘Results Services’
19. “The deadline for submission of all Post Results Service requests for the June 2004 examinations is September 20, 2004.” This page is apparently out of date. Click ‘FAQs for candidates’ anyway.
20. Nope, this just has some questions regarding what to do in the event of various problems. Go back to sitemap.
21. Aha! ‘Timetables’. Click this.
22. “Exam timetables for GCE, GCSE, GCSE (vocational subjects), GNVQ, Key skills and GCE qualifications area available here in pdf format.You can also search for timetable dates using the Calendar.” The table, however, is empty under the GCE option. Maybe you missed something on the calendar…
23. Hmm, ‘Exam Timetables’. Go to ‘Find by Exam Series’ and select “GCE May/June 2005″ then click ‘Go’
24. “Download the PDF document for the entire series.” it says. Under the “Exam Timetables by Subject” heading are ‘Mathematics’ and ‘Social Policy’. That’s all. There’s a “Find by Subject” option. Click ‘P’ for physics.
25. From the list, select ‘Physics’
26. Observe the wonder of the ‘Select Qualification Family’ selection box, which has nothing to select.
27. Break something.
28. The text has a link to “leave this website and access the Interboard Searchable Timetable”. With joy in your heart, click this link.
29. Accept the terms and conditions of the site before entering.
30. Select “Summer 2005″, “GCE” and “All” from the search options.
31. Click ‘P’ for physics.
32. Click ‘Physics’
33. Observe the exam timetable, that shows the dates of the exams only. Close this window, and ponder on the things you could have been doing instead of looking around the edexcel website.
34. Back on Edexcel, go back to the home page. Observe the ‘Search box’. Enter ‘results’ and click ‘Go’
35. Look down the list of 300 matches. Halfway down is ‘Qualifications: Noticeboard”, which says “receipt of examination results”. Click this.
36. Observe the dates for Jan ‘05 exams. Click the ‘Noticeboard for Edexcel’ link in hope.
37. There is nothing of use. Enter “results dates” into search box and click ‘Go’.
38. There is a ‘Services for Centres: Key Dates’ PDF link. Open this.
39. Again, only dates from autumn ‘05.
40. Enter ‘2005 results dates’ into search box. Observe nothing useful.
41. Enter ‘GCE 2005 results dates’
42. The first result is ‘Services for Centres: EDI & Basedata : Centre Support : EDI Calendar - Updated 22/10/04′. Click this in desperation.
43. Some dates! Click the ‘GCE’ anchor link…
44. Results Date (EDI): 17/08/2005!!!!
45. Rejoice. Do a merry jig.
46. Open your calendar to enter this momentous date. Discover it is a Wednesday.
47. Reflect on how results day is always a Thursday.
48. Check the website again. Aha - Results Date (Paper): 18/08/05.
49. Become confused. What is EDI? When can you collect the results?
50. Give up.

How to find out the date of A-Level results using the AQA website in one easy step:

1. Load up website. Observe the first entry in ‘Happening this Month’ (the only real text on the front page): 18th - Receive GCE/AEA/VCE/FSMQ/Basic and Key Skills Summer 2005 results.

That’s it! I’m all done. Thank goodness for that. 14 exams, 8 months of learning and now all I need do is wait for the results. I’m hoping for a B in Physics and a C in Maths, but either could well be lower than that. No point worrying about it though, there’s absolutely no difference I can make to the process now!

Physics 6 went ok, I think. Apart from “What information can you get from the spectrum of a star (1 point)?” that is. Given that 75% of cosmology is based on the spectrum of stars, I think one point isn’t really sufficient!

Right, time to get all the things done I’ve been ignoring for the past couple of months

Final exam this afternoon - Physics 6 at 1330. It’ll be such a relief to finish Just off on walkies, then lunch, then off to the school.

That didn’t go very well Nevertheless, my maths A-level is now finished! I’m pretty sure I’ve got another D, but I’m not going to worry about it too much. While I can’t say I put my all into the studying, I put in as much as I wanted to so won’t feel like a failure this time
Just physics 6 on Monday left now. I’ll have to look at some past papers over the weekend, as I honestly don’t know what’s I’m in for. There’s no real learning necessary as far as I can tell - it seems to be linking together anything and everything from the rest of the course.

I picked up War of the Worlds and was listening to it on the drive home. It’s great! Wimbledon was in HMV for a tenner so I grabbed that too, just to be topical.

It could have been better, but it could have been worse too. This was the only exam where I could take in my graphics calculator, so that helped. For a couple of questions I had the calculator figure out the answer for me so I could work towards it. I had something of a mind-block on the binomial expansion, but hopefully that didn’t lose me too many marks. Just 2 left!

Mum and Dad waited until after the exam to tell me that one of my guinea-pigs died overnight. Am sad

This morning was something of a mad dash. I was woken at 0700, but unfortunately there was a freak temporal collapse in my bedroom, and in the space of a sleepy blink 40 minutes passed. I have to leave the house at around 0825, and I prefer to shower, dress and breakfast without having to rush. Too late for that, though. A quick shower and rice krispies later and it’s 0815. Bit of a rush, but I’ll try to calm down and get into an exam frame of mind on the way there. I put the tie on, then went to grab my plastic wallet containing the requisite stationery. Except it wasn’t on my desk. Or in my room. Or in the lounge. Or in the car. Oh, bollocks.

It’s now 0825, and I really should have left. I grab my graphics calculator, a pen, a set square and a pencil. I’m not sure whether my TI-86 is permitted, but I’ll have to take the risk. All this time my parents are rushing around looking as well. Jane arrives with Megan, but she hasn’t seen my stuff either. I’m rather cross at this point, mainly with myself for not sorting things out beforehand, and am pissing people off by being short with them. I finally decide there’s just no time, so yell goodbye and walk out the door. Literally at the last possible moment before I close the door, I hear Jane yelling ‘found it!’, and I head back inside to find her looking down the back of my table next to my desk. It wasn’t visible from the room, and I’ve no idea how Jane spotted it. I’d like to blame the dog, but this was entirely my fault. I even remember something falling off at the weekend that I promptly forgot about. So Jane grabs it to profuse thanks from me, and I run.

The road into Solihull is clear until I approach the 6th form college, when it abruptly stops. I stew for a while as the queue crawls past the college entrance, then it cleared. Heading up the hill and past the church seemed to take an age (in case you’re wondering, I wasn’t breaking the speed limit - I don’t do that, ever). I finally made it to Solihull School at 0846, and immediately realised that parking could be a problem. Five minutes makes all the difference when it’s a student car-park. Thankfully there was a space at the far end, and I quickly pulled in then jogged into the school. I joined the tail end of the students heading into the sports hall.

I made it, just barely. To be fair I could have arrived in the next seven or eight minutes without too much of a problem - other students did - but I doubt arriving late would have gone down well with the exams officer who has very kindly been sorting everything out for me. I sat at the desk and tried to get my head in order. Calm down, Andrew. Relax. Get into thinking mode. Use the techniques you’ve been learning at life coaching. Caaaalllmmm. After a few minutes, I was ready.

The exams actually went ok. I caught a break, I think, as there wasn’t any of the tough stuff. No inductance or complicated trigonometry-requiring movement of electrons within magnetic fields. I had trouble with one equation I couldn’t remember, and one particularly nasty question required E = hf, but the value of h wasn’t given in the booklet. Admittedly it’s a fundamental constant I should know, but I don’t see the point in not supplying it.

So I’m happy with how they went. I only have the one physics exam left now - Physics 6 a week next monday. It’s the remaining two maths exams next Monday and Friday, which hopefully won’t be too bad. I’m bloody well getting everything ready the night before from now on! The end’s in sight

Three exams this morning - Physics 1, 2 and 3. And for the first time I actually think they went fairly well - am chuffed this afternoon!

Roughly speaking, the topics were mechanics and circular motion, electricity and radiation, and a choice of various questions depending on what had been studied. Remember how I discovered rather late that Solihull School only offered materials physics as the exam paper option? I studied up on that, but was never terribly happy with it. When the exam paper arrived it contained the questions from each option, so I just did the particle physics ones. Cool or what! Hopefully that was an OK thing to do. Nowhere did it say they’d all be on the one paper, so that was a pleasant surprise. I think they all went ok, and I managed to sit at the correct desk this time

Some days, you shouldn’t bother getting up. The sheer volume of my muppetry boggles the mind.

I had an appointment in Dorridge at 0930, and left in good time. I knew he lived at 264 Dorridge Road (address changed to protect, well, I dunno really, but something tells me not to put people’s addresses online. Although I guess someone does live at 264 Dorridge Road. I don’t know them, however, so I don’t care) and so drove down this main road looking for the house. I missed it on first pass, so turned around and looked again. This time I spotted a large tree at number 268. Great, I’ll use that as a guide. Six passes later I couldn’t find the bloody place, there was something weird going on with house numbers. So I parked in a side street and walked, carrying a large guitar. There was 258…and 260…and 262…and 268. What? Where the hell is 264? It was 0945 by this point and I was a little pissed off. I began to think somebody was playing a trick on me, until I walked back to the car and found that it was in fact 246, not 264. It was a little blessing that there wasn’t a 264, really - last time I made that mistake I got somebody out of the bath, and felt bad all day.

So that was pretty dumb. This was only the start, however.

Back home I had lunch early because of my exams, and while making it I plugged the iPod into the stereo to listen to Coldplay’s new album. The sound was pretty kak, and I was annoyed. I couldn’t work out why it sounded so bad when the headphones worked so well. After all, it was plugged into an amplifer…Little bells rang in my head, and I realised that I’d plugged an already amplified source into another amplifier. That’d explain the terrible sound quality. How to fix this conundrum, I wondered. Surely other people plug their iPods and portable cd-players and stuff into other systems…? I then spotted the ‘aux’ input on the amp, and upon switching to that, things worked wonderfully.

Not so bad as earlier, but it bugs me when I make elementary mistakes like that. I’m meant to know about this stuff, after all!

Next, I drove down to Solihull School, parked up and hung around their sports hall waiting for the exam to begin. I checked the board to find out my allocated seat, and saw that it said ‘4/D’. I wonder why there’s a slash, I thought, then walked down into the main area. All this time my brain is saying ‘are you sure that’s the right seat?’ and I’m saying ‘yes, of course it is, why wouldn’t it be’. This niggling thought kept coming back again and again as I was sitting and waiting. There it was again: “are you sure you’re in the right seat?” except this time, somebody was standing next to me and saying it. I apologised and went back to check. Yes, it in fact said ‘D14′, with a slightly slanted ‘1′. How stupid am I? My subconscious obviously knew full well what was going on, but did I realise? No.

Mechanics 1 wasn’t too bad, but Mechanics 3 was a complete nightmare. I did very, very, very badly - far worse than Pure 3 a couple of weeks ago. I’m thinking my final Maths grade may well be exactly the same as last time. Damn. Anyway, halfway through Mech 1 I spotted that my Make Poverty History wristband had unclipped itself. This in itself was something of a feat, as I’ve struggled to manage this when actually trying. After coming loose, it slipped down my sleeve. I couldn’t very well start fishing around in my sleeve in the middle of an exam, so I just left it. How contrived a situation is that? Like anybody would believe that actually happened. What if it had started tickling? Or caught fire? I probably shouldn’t have been wearing the wristband at all, it could have had equations in braille or something.

Because I’m doing slightly different exams from everybody else I was the only person left in the entire hall by the end - it felt strange having all that space and one invigilator just for me I managed to drive home without crashing the Focus, and am now sitting here and not moving for fear of bringing the sky down upon my head.

Despite having such a day, I’m doing reasonably well. I was concerned I’d slip into a mass of moroseness, but that hasn’t happened as yet. I still should have stayed in bed.

Done. Phew. It could have been better, but it could have been worse too. There was one particularly awkward question, as well as a couple of silly mistakes, but I don’t think it went too badly. I now have a week and a half’s hiatus! Wheeeeeee. A couple of packages arrived for me this morning, so I’m off to indulge myself.

I’m so very, very nervous about tomorrow’s practical exam. I’ve just gone over the Physics A2 topics and there are a hell of a lot of equations in there. It’s also more complicated than the AS in terms of physical equipment, too. While I’d played around with resistors and LEDs at school, I’ve never plugged in a capacitor or examined magnetic fields using anything more complicated than iron filings. I just want the exam to be over.