A genuine conversation I had yesterday:

[while discussing the aforementioned Virgin Digital 75 Bands image]
She: What are these matches?
Me: Where?
She: On the pavement
Me: They’re in a shape, aren’t they?
She: No, next to them
Me: Are you sure? Aren’t they pins?
She: No, I’m talking about the matches
Me: What matches?
She: Your face and my arse!
[cue hysterics from the other sofa as Mum and Dad fall about laughing.]

I’m told it was simply too good an opportunity to pass up