My brain has decided it doesn’t like being single. Nothing brought this on, and I’m assuming it’s evolutionary pressures frakking up my conscious mind, but it’s there, at the back of my head, all the time. It’s totally different from teenage horniness, and manifests itself as jealousy around couples, soppy daydreaming, and occasional loneliness. Nothing else – I’m not suddenly keen to start online dating again, nor am I desperate to meet someone. It’s just like a weird ache. It’s all new, and it’s getting annoying.
It’s been around for a couple of months, and I’m unable to override it. Nothing works. I can build a genuinely honest intellectual castle of I’m-happy-as-I-am-thanks and this achieves jack shit. And I really am doing fine, otherwise. Some money worries1, but lots of satisfying work, and lots of challenges. I’m better at social stuff than I’ve ever been, and am even – finally – getting a healthier lifestyle. All in all, doing ok. So intellectually, I’m perfectly happy to go on like this for a while. Intellectually, I know dating makes me neurotic. Intellectually, I know I’m bloody lucky, and I’d like to be satisfied with that. But intellectual counts for nothing against an unbroken line of ancestors, back to the primordial soup, all of whom managed to find a mate2.
I’m assuming this is just what happens when you’re 27 – and isn’t helped by people around you starting to get engaged. The number of single people I know is slowly diminishing, and I keep inexplicably considering that my parents were together by my age – as if this is relevant to anything. I figure it’s lizard brain stuff, and out of my control. Not sure what to do about it, though. Grrr. Evolution sucks.