Expenses, MPs and Speakers

Rant time. Feel free to ignore.

The Telegraph

You’re being a dick. You’re doing your best to tarnish all MPs as corrupt, greedy malcontents, which is clearly not true, clearly not helpful, and clearly the behaviour of a dick. Your Gish-gallop-journalism lets you get away with some pretty dubious claims, which at any other time would have you dragged to court in minutes: take the Lib Dem MP castigated for claiming B&B expenses within his own constituency, when his constituency is a) a tenth of Scotland b) made up of many small islands. And as if this weren’t enough, you also insinuate he’s having an affair, for no reason at all. Dick move.

I had a BNP leaflet through my door yesterday. First time that’s happened. I’m seeing UKIP and BNP boards all down the motorway. I am not optimistic enough about the British electorate to think some will not turn to racists and Utter Cockheads on the basis that ‘all politicians are the same’. Telegraph: this is your fault. The MPs who’ve committed the worst acts should of course be exposed, but you’ve tried your hardest to stereotype them all. You didn’t need to do that, or crow about your own brilliance in the process. You could have covered this story in a responsible fashion, but instead you decided to act like a dick, and I dislike you intensely.


I can’t pretend some of these claims aren’t pretty bad. But do stop saying ‘the system allows it’, as if you lack any moral agency. You’re not helping anything. I would respect you far more if you said ‘the system allows it, and I went along with it because that’s what you do – I was wrong’. I could understand that. But your defence is vulnerable to the ever-so-sophisticated “if the system said it was ok to throw your constituents off a cliff, would you do that too?’. It’s not complicated. Christ.

That said, it’s not that big a deal. Many MPs have done nothing wrong, and plenty of others likely made genuine mistakes. I am aware how hard MPs work, and I hate to see your entire profession reduced to ‘they’re corrupt’ by a rabid media. You could not pay me enough to run a constituency surgery, or deal with the arcane way laws are formulated. I’m glad someone is willing, and I don’t believe for a second you’re all in it for the money. The expenses thing is pretty dumb, but fix it, and we’re ok. I have no idea on the best way to fix the problem, but I would make one suggestion: 

FFS stop obsessing over the Speaker. Nobody cares. It’s a Westminster Village thing, and I’m sure it all seems very important to you, but it’s not. Get some perspective.

Andrew’s Hobby Horse

But since you and the media are going batshit insane anyway, despite the Speaker’s crime being saying-something-a-bit-harsh-to-Kate-Hoey and not, say, claiming-his-already-paid-off-mortgage-back-from-the-taxpayer, you do realise the whole concept of a Speaker is laughable anyway, right? It’s not like you act in a way befitting your status as people who run the country. When you shout and stomp your feet like boorish drunks, you’re embarrassing. It’s pathetic – what the hell is wrong with you? I was going to compare you to ‘grumpy toddlers’, but that’s incredibly unfair on toddlers, because they don’t know any better. You do, yet override this knowledge in favour of interrupting anything you don’t like with stupid noises. Shut up.

If you want to elect a Speaker the public are going to give a crap about, get one who can bring you into line, and stop debates turning into Jeremy Kyle Goes to Eton.

Possibly all of you don’t do that, either. If so: apologies. But do something about it, because it’s 2009 and the behaviour of Parliament should not make the electorate cringe.


Ok, rant over. I’m off to turn 26.