Faith of Britain Day

Everybody! Everyone, this is important. You need to listen to this:

Faith Of Britain Day is a day that focuses all of the positive energy in the country towards achieving our hopes and aspirations. For exactly two minutes on March 6th at 11.00am our consortium of psychics and healers will act as a channel for the positive thoughts of the entire country.

Why didn’t anyone think of this before? It’s so obvious. They’re going to channel our positive thoughts! Channel them into, you know, the channel-place. It’s going to be so awesome. Why March 6th?

March 6th has been chosen as Faith of Britain Day because March is a time of seeing light emerging from the darkness of Winter, therefore emphasising hope in an unsure world. Numerologically this date is symbolic because the 3rd month, the 6th day and the 9th year are all multiples of 3 which is about balance – which is what we strive to achieve as humans. The time, 11.00am is a master number, or a powerful 2 (1 + 1) which is the duality of the inner and outer self, encouraging us to look within to find solutions.

I never learnt about master numbers at school. Modern education sucks.

With over 80 million people concentrating their mental energies at the same time on the same day, we will unleash an irresistible psychic force that will, quite literally, make our dreams come true.

Woah. Ok, seriously, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I don’t think Angelina Jolie would like that. And what if everyone suddenly finds themselves in public wearing only pyjamas? I’m starting to wonder if you’ve thought this through. 

Faith of Britain recognizes that Britain is a multi-cultural, multi-faith family. All of our faiths and beliefs have one common thread:

Gullibility?

the belief that positive thinking makes positive things happen.

Oh.

It is a proven scientific fact that thinking about something often causes it to happen.

It is. That’s why World Economic Collapse Day was such a bad idea. 

Some call this quantum physics. Others simply call it “faith.”

You remember the end of Doctor Who S3? That was a documentary. I bet you feel pretty stupid now.

We ask that you open your mind to joining in with a unique psychic force that will change our lives through the power of thought.

Actually, I might skip this one. These metaphysical bases are already covered by Global Orgasm Day.