War of the Twisters

Come spring, my local park always has two ice cream vans within 100m of each other, and I’ve often thought it’s an episode of Midsomer Murders waiting to happen1. In my head there are fierce rivalries in all sorts of professions, but I’d never thought of this2:

A documentary now in limited release, “Twisted: A Balloonamentary” examines the world of professional balloon twisters, who make everything from life-size racing cars to their own wedding dresses. It also exposes the rift — who knew? — between the “gospel twisters,” who use their craft as a way to teach Bible lessons, and the “adult” twisters, who use balloons for more prurient entertainment.

That’s hideous. I for one never, ever want to see a professional twister using balloons to teach gospel lessons. Whereas, a prurient show – bring it on. Sure, it’d be easy for it to be tawdry and obvious, but in the right hands I can see that being funny as hell.

The wedding dress can be seen here. My wedding plans so far:

  1. compulsory capes + hats

and that’s as far as I’ve got, but I’m going to go ahead and pencil in that dress. I mean, that’s some non-stop innuendo right there.

It’s just occurred to me that balloons are the perfect vehicle for preaching the doctrine of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! I’ve found a niche, people!

  1. I think something stole their thunder, actually – New Tricks? []
  2. warning: there was a big Battlestar Galactica banner at the top of the page when I visited. I activated Spoiler Defence Mode and killed all power to the building, but beware []