Every year this happens. I reckon it’s statistically more likely at Christmas. Here’s how it is:
- You’re walking around in the cold.
- You head into a shop, knowing it won’t take long as you’re after a particular item.
- You queue, unaware that the shop’s air conditioning is slowly melting tiny mucus icicles – mucicles – and get to the till at precisely the same moment as the first ticklings of incoming snot.
- You’re handing over books, typing in pins, confirming that you would indeed like the receipt in the bag, not being the kind of person who hands over Christmas presents still in the bag, all the while judging whether you’ll need to dive for a tissue and annoy everyone in the queue whilst disgusting the pretty assistant who could very possibly be the future mother of your children1 if only you don’t turn into Colonel Boge of Bogington Vasey and flood the shop.
- The Race of Snot is generally won or lost by how long the credit card takes to verify. Thankfully most shops are in full-on assembly-line mode at this time of year, so it’s efficient as hell and I personally am generally victorious.
This is worse atm, as I have a cold. Not fair. I did the whole cold thing last month – it was meant to be out of the way! I actually feel fine, but sound terrible and leak a lot, so appear remarkably unconvincing when trying to talk people into spending time with me. Have a big Christmas party tomorrow; hoping I’ll be a little better in the morning, as infecting all my friends four days before Christmas might not go down well.
- obviously I am not thinking this, I am generalizing in a scientific manner [↩]