LOLBible

Srsly.

29. An Ceiling Cat sayed, Yo, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it. 30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. an Ceiling Cat sayz u mus hav da moneyz 2 git da milkz. 50$ plez
31. An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthx bai.

It’s not surprising this project works so well, given that the Bible was the Wikipedia of the first millennium. Genesis 2:

11 An he said, hoo told u dat u was nakd? I was enjoying watching you. hast thou eaten ov teh tree, dat I told u dat iz not ok u eatz?
12 An teh man said, teh woman u gave me saw teh tree An told me ’bout it. At first I was liek “Noes!” but then, I was layk NOM NOM NOM.
13 An Ceiling Cat said unto teh woman, wat did u dun? An teh woman said, teh serpent playd dirty trick on me, An i eated it.
(…)
16 Unto teh woman he said,
“im gun make babies hurt alot An cause pain An stuff;
in pain u gun brin forth childrenz.
An ur desire shall b 2 ur husband,
An he gun rool ovar u and ask for beers and sammiches.”
17 An unto adam he said, because u hast listend to her An hast eated teh tree wut i tellz u U NO EATZ!
“cursd iz teh grawnd cuz of u
An u is b wrkin ur ass off ur hol life
An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now
srsly.

Numbers 22 is always worth a look:

28. And Ceiling Cat maeks teh donkey talk and stuff, and teh donkey wuz all liek “Oh hai, me is talkin’ donkey”.
29. And Balaam wuz all liek “LOL stupid donkey, me kicks ur butt now, me kicks ur butt real good”.
30. And teh donkey sez “Oh but WAI? Me is just talkin’ donkey.”

Genesis 19 is lovely as ever, with ‘Cot’ realising the prospect of imminent man-on-man action and making the rational decision:

8. Lol taek my hot daughterz whu r virginz. Let me get em ann we kan bang them. But don’t do theze doodz, they iz in mah house.

I suspect this is actually quite linguistically interesting – there’s a surprisingly coherent grammar to ”kitty pidgin”. I love that people are spending time doing this.