In tomorrow’s edition, how genocidal tendencies correlate directly with moustaches

I believe some people get their science news from the Daily Mail:

The colour of your eyes could determine your achievements in life, say scientists.

They claim those with blue eyes are more likely to sparkle academically than those with brown.

They are more intelligent and gain more qualifications because they study more effectively and perform better in exams.

The ‘scientists’ are a study by the University of Louisville. Little more information is forthcoming on their website. The Guardian thinks it’s probably a bogus conclusion. I suspect they’re right. But the DM forges on, boldly going where no brain has gone before:

The discovery might help explain the success of such disparate individuals as Stephen Hawking, Alexander Fleming, Marie Curie, Stephen Fry and Lily Cole.

Yes. Scientists have for years been in need of ‘help’ to explain this phenomenon. These people don’t look anything like each other – what could possibly explain their shared success? It must be their blue eyes – it’s so obvious!