Friday Limericks

I’m over in Solihull and, according to the radio, all roads into Stratford are flooded. I doubt I’ll get home this evening. I’m on a Potter-induced media blackout, so most of my regular websites are out-of-bounds. So, there is only one thing for it: dirty limericks! Most as recited by limerick connoisseur Christopher Hitchens on the Skeptics’ Guide Premium Content #2. And they are really quite dirty, so be warned…

(The entire old testament in 5 lines)
God’s plan made a sporting beginning,
till Eve spoilt his chances by sinning;
we trust that the story
will end with God’s glory
but at present the other side’s winning.

A vice both obscene and unsavory
holds the Bishop of London in slavery;
with lascivious howls
he deflowers young owls
that he lures to an underground aviary.

The Anglican Dean of Hong Kong
has a thing that is twelve inches long;
And he thinks that the waiters
are admiring his gaiters
when he goes to the loo. But he’s wrong.

The Bishop of central Japan
used to bugger himself with a fan.
And when taxed with these acts
he replied ‘it contracts
and expands rather more than a man’.

There was a young hooker from Crewe
who filled her vagina with glue;
Said she with a grin
“since they’ll pay to get in,
they can pay to get out of it too.” 

Charming, yes? He apparently knows more than 500.