True for suitably small values of Tippi Hedren

This afternoon I walked into my parents’ lounge to see bits of dirt falling out of the fireplace. Something on the chimney was amusing itself by standing in the roof detritus and shuffling its feet, making a mess of the carpet below. I tried to check nothing was trapped up there, but noise and movement stopped after a while so I figured it was fine.

Two hours later loud noises came from the back of the house, and I investigated to find an enormous black bird strutting about the lounge, making a painful looking dash into the glass door every few seconds. I opened the door, but in the process startled the bird so that it took off.

I don’t think it was large enough to be a crow, but was much larger than your average blackbird. Whatever, it was big enough to cause serious damage to body and property, and I figured the best policy was Get The Hell Out Of The Way. After a few seconds of taking out ornaments it gracefully swept past me and through the conservatory into the outside world. I’m glad somebody was in. It would have wrecked the room.

It was surprisingly pretty close-up. I once had to remove a magpie from the conservatory and didn’t like it at all – magpies are pretty unpleasant at short distances, and it kept looking at my watch.

Falling down a chimney. That’s gotta be bad for your bird self-respect. I guess it was black already so the soot marks won’t show, but still, the rest of the nest1 are going to mock for a long time.

  1. my idea of bird communities is based entirely upon Disney movies []