Ra ra Man U!

Go on you reds! OR the other ones! One of you! I’ve been to football matches, you know. Two of them. One time my Dad went to get me a hot dog, and when he came back I told him somebody had scored, and fifteen minutes later he found out it was offside and Villa weren’t winning at all. I have experience of the big game atmosphere. I can do chanting.

Foul ball!

That guy couldn’t pass muster!

I think the striker’s more of a linesman, if you know what I mean!

If you put as much thought into playing as you do into trying to cheat, you’d win!

Warren Beatty’s seen more of a net than you!

That shot was so bad, it deserved gaol more than goal!

I fit right in. I’m happy as long as somebody wins and Doctor Who isn’t pushed back to next week.