The General Synod on major issues of the day

The Church of England’s General Synod was held this week. The CoE is unhappy with the media. Things are bad:

Dana Delap of Durham complained that one of her sons had been taken to see Casino Royale and that another was obsessed with Power Rangers. “Tell me the things that my children should be watching,” she pleaded.

Dreadful, isn’t it? Her children were entertained by violence that isn’t real. I suffered similarly as a child, and I now spend much of my time summoning giant robots and delivering roundhouse kicks to psycho witch women. She’s right about Casino Royale, too: the torture scene demonstrated not that torture is unspeakably vile, but that it is fun times! I now can’t walk past a chair without wanting to cut a hole in it.

If only these children had some kind of guide, some kind of (admittedly broken) moral compass that isn’t completely foiled by fake cartoon violence. Different programming is obviously needed. Perhaps something detailing the brutal beating and cricifixion of an apparently nice guy whose father wants him to suffer for reasons that make no sense, then saying it really happened – nothing damaging there!

What else do the CoE have issues with?

Edmund Marshall, a lay member from Wakefield, West Yorkshire, said that although he and his wife enjoyed Strictly Come Dancing they objected to the “melodramatic excess” of singling out losing contestants.

Did the CoE just indirectly criticise Strictly Come Dancing? They go TOO FAR. Brainwashing children in faith schools? Standing firm for bigotry? Loudly demanding I respect your belief in talking donkeys? All these things I can handle. But keep away from the dancefloor. I not only used to watch the Power Rangers, you know, I also play computer games. There is no telling what I am capable of. 

But really, “melodramatic excess”? I guess pointing out the ‘off’ button isn’t enough for people who have moral issues with the concept of competition. Mr Marshall continued:

“To me as a Christian, the ethos is to seek and save those who have been losers,” he said.

Must. Resist. Too. Easy.