Whether it’s worrying over the job, the story or possibly-real-but-probably-all-in-my-head slights against other people, I can’t sleep. This can mean only one thing: Midnight monkey blogging!

Armed only with toast and milk, I have trawled Flickr for the best monkey pictures known to man. I am using the word ‘monkey’ lazily colloquially.

That is all.

I had a job interview at the local library today. It’s for a part-time assistant’s post which I think would be just right for me, but we’ll see whether they agree - they said I’ll get a call tomorrow morning. I’ve never seen any male staff members there, but hopefully that’s due to the average job applicant…Tomorrow will either be bad or good+scary depending on which way it goes, but the intermittent period of not knowing is actually quite good.

You know what I said a couple of days ago about having figured out the third act of my NaNoWriMo novel? Utter nonsense. It eventually struck me this evening that two major plot points were mutually exclusive. I’ve stopped at 750 words today, and plan to spend tomorrow morning figuring it all out. Then I’ll be home free; perhaps.

I like the cold. You can do things about feeling cold, and they are Good Things. Wrapping up in big coats, scarves and gloves is fun, and it feels great to be warm when surrounded by cold air. It also goes hand-in-hand with dark evenings, and walking around as the lights of a town begin to shine is very pleasant indeed. It’s even better when they’re Christmas lights. And then you return to a warm home and make a hot chocolate and, after a week of encountering needless and wearing cynicism about everything from politicians to Children In Need to the inherent goodness of people, just for a few hours everything is well with the world.

A very busy day yesterday meant I didn’t get back home until 0300, at which point I had no desire to write 1700 words, but I’ve caught up today, thankfully. I’m just starting to get an inkling of what’s going to happen in the final act, which has been worrying me for a few days. I’d already included passages from the finale, but had no idea how I was going to get there. I suppose proper authors plan this kind of thing beforehand.

I thought it was an interesting Strictly this evening. The couples who normally do very well were a little lacklustre, while the underdogs caught up in a big way. Once Claire’s gone - presumably next week - the remaining five couples will all be of a very high quality, more so than in any previous series. It looks like Matt Dawson has managed to shake his inhibitions, which has helped enormously. I remember being nervous to tell people I’d started ballroom dancing in case they made fun, but at some point decided I couldn’t be bothered with that bollocks any more. There’s still a what-would-the-cool-kids-at-school-think-of-this filter in my head, but it’s diminishing in size and importance, which I guess is one of the advantages of getting older.

I drove back from Walsall at 1700 on Friday night and can only imagine I inadvertently performed a ritual to placate the traffic gods, as the M6 and M42 were clear all the way back to Solihull. That’s just weird.

Finally, juggling inside an inverted glass cone is an oddly soothing sight:

Worth watching all the way through - he goes up to seven balls.

I went to the clinic this afternoon and had hot water fired into my ear at a high velocity, which unblocked it almost immediately. This was great, but promptly made the other feel like it was blocked in comparison, so they did that one too. I can now hear properly for the first time in ages - I so want one of those machines! Once they found out that I fix computers I was asked to help out with a problem, and they gave me a 50% discount!

1537 words left. Gotta go.

WTF 1:

A court ruling which ordered a gynecologist to pay child support for up to 18 years as compensation for botching a contraceptive implant was condemned by the German media as scandalous on Wednesday.

WTF 2:

Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses “how he would have committed” the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said. The two-part interview, titled “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened,” will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29.

WTF 3:

Today’s Daily Star front page reports that ‘Single Celebs’ are ready to ‘Sex Up Jungle’ (in the ITV programme of a similar name). Accompanying the piece is a picture of Dean Gaffney. Sexing something up? Dean Gaffney? Sexing something up? DEAN GAFFNEY?

The last two from the consistently excellent Fisking Central, which has deserved a place in my horribly out-of-date blogroll for a long time now.

Just passed 25,000 words, which is a pleasing milestone in itself, but more importantly means I’m on track for the first time since Day Two. Hooray!

I’ve been a little distracted today after waking up with a completely blocked ear. This happens to me once a year, and I hate it more than I despise the first guy who sat down and thought ‘hmm, this tiny tree thing tastes gross, I shall market it as a vegetable and make millions’. Is so bloody annoying. I can’t drive or get much sense of sound direction without doing lighthouse impressions, and it hurts if I don’t soften it up with ear drops every few hours. On a couple of occasions I’ve been able to fix the problem with, um, unorthodox methods that hurt rather a lot, but it’s always taken four to five days, plus Nod justifiably tells me off for messing about with my hearing Unfortunately I have dancing, a guitar lesson, a computer-related trip to Walsall and a job interview in the next five days, and would like to avoid cancelling them all. As ever, the doctors only have syringing sessions on Tuesdays, so I had to decide between sticking it out or paying for a private clinic. I finally decided to go for the latter, although it’s bloody expensive at £65. They can do it tomorrow afternoon, however, and it’s just about worth it. Just. I need to figure out how I’m going to get to Solihull and back, mind.

There’s a certain irony in writing “today’s the first time for over a week that I’ve finished writing before midnight, and it’s nice to have a relaxing evening” in the course of typing blog posts until midnight. Still. Was relaxing nevertheless.

While I’m talking dancing, I’ve been meaning to recommend the excellent Strictly Come Blogging, which is great for SCD junkies. There was something of a shock result last Saturday, when Ray and Camilla were voted off. It was vaguely reasonable by the standards of the night’s dances, but over the series as a whole was most unfair. Struggling Author suggests that black people never do well on reality tv shows, (edited for clarity:) and wonders whether this is a result of racism in voting. I don’t know whether that’s necessarily true for SCD this series - there have been acceptable explanations for Mica Paris, Spoony and Ray’s eliminations - but I’d be interested to see a Freakonomics-style investigation.

We went American Smooth-ing yesterday after missing last week’s lesson due to bad weather. After the pace of the first session I was nervous about catching up, but it wasn’t a problem. The two routines were easy enough until the final move involved me walking sideways while spinning Lynsey clockwise. Couldn’t do it - I sent her anticlockwise every time. This is amusing once, then rapidly becomes embarrassing! I eventually managed it in the last few minutes, so hopefully it’ll stick until next week. There are some fun moves so far, although I’m waiting for the lifts
On the drive back we were discussing medals. I’d heard talk of them but never the details, and had assumed they were something to do with competitions. They turn out to be a little like music grades. The levels are Bronze, Silver and Gold, and you need to know a fixed list of steps and moves in all ten dances for each stage. I imagine that technique plays a strong role, too. You’re not tested in each dance, but aren’t told in advance which you’ll be asked to perform.

This definitely appeals to me, as it would be good to get some kind of ‘qualification’ after learning for two years. I was looking at the steps required for the Bronze level and we’ve covered a fair chunk of them, with the possible exception of those in the paso doble. The step list for this involves “Huit (cape)” which sounds very exciting Once you reach Gold standard you’re allowed to enter competitions, although I’m not necessarily bothered about this: the words ‘fake tan’ appear way too frequently on competition websites…

Our current dance class is great and we’d certainly keep going, but I think that the current pace would be too slow for medals. I’ve no idea how long each would take to complete, but I think now’s the best time to start given that I’ve the inclination, the time and an excellent dance partner. Who knows where I’ll be in a few years. The only issue is whether faster learning would require prohibitively expensive private lessons, but I’ve emailed my teacher for his advice.

Today’s the first time for over a week that I’ve finished writing before midnight, and it’s nice to have a relaxing evening. I’ve been flitting in and out of the famous Week Two blues, alternating between confidence that everything is going to be fine and the utter conviction that I wouldn’t recognise a decent plot point if it came through the door with a gun. I also had the first ‘it’s midnight and I have 1000 words to go’ moment, which I hate. Hopefully I can avoid any more of those for the next two weeks.

I heard Mur Lafferty’s great interview with Cory Doctorow and he gave two nuggets of advice for aspiring writers, which could be paraphrased as:

1. You don’t need a routine - you can write wherever and whenever you like (I just listened to Mur on The NanoMonkeys where she elabourates on this advice)
2. The world is the same today as it was yesterday - anything that seems different, whether on the page or out there, is all in your head.

I didn’t understand what he meant by #2 at first, but it stuck with me throughout the evening and I’m beginning to see what he’s saying. It’s as much general life advice, I guess. Interesting. I’ve definitely been guilty of #1. I supposedly “can’t” write unless the dishes are done and the room is vaguely tidy. Bah. If I have to not do the washing up to break that habit, so be it I’ve also developed the very stupid tick of checking my word count every paragraph. This is a bad idea in many ways, not least of which is that I don’t get into any kind of rhythm and am always aware of what I’m doing and how much is remaining. I’m determined not to do it tomorrow.

1. Was that really necessary?
2. Did you know the announcer guy was going to give it away before the show even started?

How long has the BBC been showing a UK-ified version of Mythbusters? It just came on after It Takes Two and was a very pleasant surprise. A bunch of US podcasts I listen to mention this show all the time. It involves two ex-special effects experts who test out urban myths. Today they’re firing thawed and frozen chickens into plane windscreens at 130mph and putting crash-test dummies into killer washing machines. They had to replace the washing machine motor with one from an electric car to even get it to spin with a person inside. My kind of show!

Hmmm, the wikipedia entry says it’s been going since July! Don’t know how I managed to miss that.

Who needs Guitar Hero when there’s an air guitar t-shirt?

The T-shirt has motion sensors built into its elbows that pick up movements and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar riffs. One arm is interpreted as picking chords while the other strums.

This is very, very exciting. Finally I can add a backing track to my daily life. Walking to the sandwich shop and making witty banter with the staff will be accompanied by a cheeky riff. Sporting events can build in excitement via a 1-4-5 progression. Opening my eyes in dramatic fashion would be linked to power chords. If only somebody invented laughter track shoes my world would be perfect.

“It’s an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music-making - even by players without significant musical or computing skills,” said the research team leader, Richard Helmer.

It’ll be known as The X Factor Shirt.

“It allows you to jump around and the sound generated is just like an original mp3.”

I could jump around? For real?

By customising the software, the team has also tailored the technology to make an air tambourine

An air tambourine? No way should this be allowed to happen. You know how incredibly annoying it is when people say ‘boom-tish’ after you’ve told a joke? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD HAVE TO DIE IF THEY HAD AIR TAMBOURINES?

However, just think of the potential when you link other instruments with this almost innocuous sentence:

The technology, which is adaptable to almost any kind of apparel

I am so getting an air saxophone in my pants. It could rise in pitch when…well, never mind. Maybe an Air String Quartet would be better: think of the subtle romantic ambience at opportune moments!

I’m generally impressed with Dell’s cheap PCs, and their online customisation can get some good deals, especially if you don’t need all the bells and whistles. This took me aback, though:

£52.88 for a 256mb stick is insane. You can get perfectly decent 512mb sticks for £13, or 2gb sticks for £40.