I want my air-guitar t-shirt

Who needs Guitar Hero when there’s an air guitar t-shirt?

The T-shirt has motion sensors built into its elbows that pick up movements and relay them wirelessly to a computer which interprets them as guitar riffs. One arm is interpreted as picking chords while the other strums.

This is very, very exciting. Finally I can add a backing track to my daily life. Walking to the sandwich shop and making witty banter with the staff will be accompanied by a cheeky riff. Sporting events can build in excitement via a 1-4-5 progression. Opening my eyes in dramatic fashion would be linked to power chords. If only somebody invented laughter track shoes my world would be perfect.

“It’s an easy-to-use, virtual instrument that allows real-time music-making – even by players without significant musical or computing skills,” said the research team leader, Richard Helmer.

It’ll be known as The X Factor Shirt.

“It allows you to jump around and the sound generated is just like an original mp3.”

I could jump around? For real?

By customising the software, the team has also tailored the technology to make an air tambourine

An air tambourine? No way should this be allowed to happen. You know how incredibly annoying it is when people say ‘boom-tish’ after you’ve told a joke? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD HAVE TO DIE IF THEY HAD AIR TAMBOURINES?

However, just think of the potential when you link other instruments with this almost innocuous sentence:

The technology, which is adaptable to almost any kind of apparel

I am so getting an air saxophone in my pants. It could rise in pitch when…well, never mind. Maybe an Air String Quartet would be better: think of the subtle romantic ambience at opportune moments!