Ah, Chuck

We thought Chuck Norris was like The Hoff. We thought he got it, that he was having fun taking the mickey out of himself. We thought Chuck Norris facts were a good laugh, and that Chuck Norris was funny. Sadly, we thought wrong. From the man himself:

While I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them, let’s face it, most “Chuck Norris Facts” describe someone with supernatural, superhuman powers. They’re describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It’s not me.

Don’t do it, Chuck. Please don’t say it. You can’t do this to us.

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.”

It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

It’s so sad. If Chuck Norris had skipped the education system he’d be…Chuck Norris.

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: “Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.”

There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris’ tears, it’s Jesus’ blood. By the way, without him, I don’t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you.

Chuck must now be replaced. There is only one man for the job, my friends, and quite frankly I don’t know how we missed him in the first place: his name is Jack Bauer.