Linux for Christians

There is a version of Linux designed exclusively for Christians. Based on the popular ‘Ubuntu’ distribution, it’s much like your normal Linux package except it comes with bible study software, powerful parental controls and a REALLY loud alarm that goes off at 0600 every Sunday.

That last one was a little joke. But not actually my joke. There’s a whole site full, and many of them only make sense to linux admins. Those that I get are quite funny 🙂

It looks like Ubuntu Christian Edition’s parental controls actually filter websites by specific phrases. Probably things like ‘war in the middle east’, at which point the computer pops up a huge bunch of pivot-table spreadsheets to help you look busy. It’ll also randomly demand you prove yourself worthy of the OS by deleting a file of its choosing. Sometimes it’ll give it you back, sometimes it won’t. There aren’t any status bars or egg-timers, and daisy-chaining USB devices is a definite no-no. It comes with a virus scanner, which happily never requires updates – in fact the entire source code is locked down with no need for service packs – and there’s a built-in firewall.

UCE isn’t designed to be networked, however. Most installs will try to upgrade attached computers, with particular attention paid to smaller devices such as iPods or mobile phones. It also has a habit of demanding its own subnet in the larger network. It will automatically launch DoS attacks against Ubuntu Islam Edition (which it conflicts with even if installed on a separate partition), as well as rival distributions which actually have only minor source code deviations. It does come with a large amount of decent software that’s also compatible with Windows and Mac OS X, but to be frank the UI is full of unnecessary clutter that leads nowhere, as well as a fair few elements you simply have to ignore if you want to remain productive.

The kernel does, on the face of it, seem to cause a lot of problems, but advocates will point out that they’re actually caused by unrelated things such as drivers, hardware and legacy code, and criticism of the overall OS is just unfair. Especially when it’s by people who aren’t linux administrators – you need to understand the processes, you see, and that’s not possible without training in the kernel. And, you know, Windows 98 crashed too.

One last feature: when uninstalled it comes back after three days.

(ok, the final one wasn’t mine either)