Upgrade Me

I heard that somebody, somewhere in the world is thinking of putting medical data onto chips and implanting them into volunteers, so that if/when they need to go into hospital they need only be scanned for their full medical history to be available.

Sign me up.

I want chips in me. I want to be able to pay for things by walking past a sensor (ok, maybe paying for things should be linked to a fingerprint, or a whitelist of registered shops or something). I want a GPS chip in my head so that I, and other people, can track my movements. I want this to eventually link to a semi-transparent Google Map permanently in the top-left-hand corner of my vision. I want a mobile phone built into my head, with a microphone on my vocal chords so I can speak without actually speaking. I want to be a wireless receiver, so I can install bodymods that link to the Internet. Bring it on.

I’m fully aware that any kind of encryption will almost undoubtedly be broken at some point. Don’t care. I don’t mind people knowing my medical history. Don’t mind them knowing pretty much anything. Paying for stuff is the only time I can see there being a problem.

Privacy fetishists would go mental at the first sign of such technology, of course. I suspect that these people would, if they could, transfer their consciousness into a peanut, be placed into a generic bag – evil multinational corporations would find something evil to do with a peanut – then left in a bunker somewhere. However, I would find them and eat them, and then they would have their own private digestive juices.

I want all kinds of body enhancements. I want better hearing, metallic joints, 20:10 eyesight. Thinking about it just now, it’d be quite cool if I could be upgraded to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Probably a little optimistic. Maybe leap over people in a single bound. Yeah, that’d be better. It’d be called the Gummi Bear Mod.

I have no objection to tattoos, either, except I’ve never seen one I really liked. The colours aren’t bright enough for me. I want a skin-mod that’s linked to the aforementioned wirelessness so I can have the latest news right there on the back of my hand. No, that’d just be depressing. An RSS feed of my choosing. Yes. That’ll do. Also, I think these are far cooler than tattoos:

Horny Bloke