Because I never write anything down when I run out of it, going to the supermarket normally means walking along every aisle and picking up whatever I need. This works ok, except that I see all sorts of products I wouldn’t otherwise. My inner dialogue then runs something like this:

Hmm, vitamin pills. Well, I always used to take them. But I seem to remember that their actual health benefits are minimal, and they are £1.50, so maybe I won’t.

Which is fine, except that I then see the coffee.

Hmmm, coffee. I don’t drink coffee. That’s saved the money for the vitamin pills then - into the trolley they go.

I’m such a muppet.

Article: Live sporting events could be screened in 3D in US cinemas by 2007 in a bid boost flagging mid-week ticket sales.
I like the journalism here. 3D how? With polarising glasses? As far as I know, I’m one of about six people on the planet who think that’s fun. I like how the rest of the article skips the 3D aspect, preferring to concentrate on sport in cinemas. It’s a bit like producing an article saying “soldiers on the battlefield will be given invisibility cloaks in a boost to stop them getting shot.” and then discussing how many soldiers get shot. I used to have an invisibility cloak, but I lost it¹.

Headline: X Factor losers top album chart
Enough said.

Headline: Sea rise could be ‘catastrophic’.
Not catastrophic. No. ‘catastrophic’. Similarly, sea rise could be ‘belgian’.

Headline: Hundreds turn out for the World Pooh-sticks Championship.
Laughing in happiness, this time. This is just great. I also like that ‘Japan are defending their title’.

Must go to bed. These won’t seem half as funny when I’m awake, I’m sure. Apologies.

1. not my joke. Stolen from digg. [↩]

Can’t sleep. I think I’m still out-of-sync with UK time, and British Summer Time kicking in hasn’t helped matters. Incidentally, did you know there’s an act - The Lighter Evenings Bill - currently in its second reading in Parliament that would abolish this October’s return to GMT¹ and take BST two hours ahead of GMT a year from now? Interesting idea.

I’m also kinda worried about our dog, Daisy. She’s been acting very strangely for a couple of days now - unable to settle, panting at times, unsteady on her feet, and more - and at 15 she’s getting fairly old. Hopefully we’ll be able to take her to the vet’s tomorrow. My worries are probably the result of the only two episodes of Animal Hospital I’ve seen, in both of which seemingly healthy dogs entered the vets and never left. Hopefully I’m worrying over nothing.

On a lighter note, I have had some toast. You can’t beat late night toast. It is the best.

1. the final sentence of that article is “After that the time in the United Kingdom will return to the present time.” Clear. [↩]

Yesterday’s March for Free Expression seemed to go well¹, although I have to agree with commenters that the request not to display cartoons is rather odd, given the message of the march. Still, there was a large crowd and by all accounts some interesting speakers. I’m intrigued by this, though:

The stewards were advised that a bylaw prohibits the display in Trafalgar Square of any foreign flags, so they had to cooperate with the wardens and the police in asking people to lower Danish and American flags.

That’s just weird, and a little ironic. A flag, presumably, is simply a representation of something. The flag itself means nothing without the meaning behind it. So for flags to be banned at a march for free expression? Bizarre.

Is it me, or are flags accorded far more importance than they warrant? There seem to be large numbers of laws and regulations governing what are essentially coloured pieces of cloth, especially when what they represent can be shown in any number of different ways…I guess it’s all mixed up with nationalism, but I wonder that people don’t have better things to think about.

(post edited later to fix a non-sentence)

1. don’t even start reading the comments if you value your blood pressure [↩]

I picked up a Serenity graphic novel while I was in the US, but now that I’m back in the UK it seems to have vanished. There are various possibilities:

• A rather deft pickpocket opened my bag and took only this, ignoring my camera / emergency cash etc.
• A bag-handling Joss Whedon fan stole it from my luggage
• I left it in the hotel room. This probably happened.
• Dark Elves
• It’s somewhere in the flat

More annoying is that it took me three days to even realise.

I really wanted to be at the March for Free Expression that’s meeting about now in Trafalgar Square, but with my trip and everything it just never got arranged. I needed one more day! I support their statement entirely:

The strength and survival of free society and the advance of human knowledge depend on the free exchange of ideas. All ideas are capable of giving offence, and some of the most powerful ideas in human history, such as those of Galileo and Darwin, have given profound religious offence in their time. The free exchange of ideas depends on freedom of expression and this includes the right to criticise and mock. We assert and uphold the right of freedom of expression and call on our elected representatives to do the same. We abhor the fact that people throughout the world live under mortal threat simply for expressing ideas and we call on our elected representatives to protect them from attack and not to give comfort to the forces of intolerance that besiege them.

and it would have been great to be surrounded by banners that say such things as:

I do not agree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it.

Blasphemy is a victimless crime.

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

I’ve never been on a march, mainly because I never agree with the topics that seem to warrant one. This sounded pretty good; it’s not anti-government, nor anti-religion, nor has it been hijacked by radical elements. I’m going to regret not being there, I think. Hopefully there’ll be some good shots on Flickr, and it’ll get some coverage on the main news.

From BBC News:

Under the interpretation of Islamic Sharia law on which Afghanistan’s constitution is based, Mr Rahman faces the death penalty unless he reconverts to Islam.

“The Prophet Muhammad has said several times that those who convert from Islam should be killed if they refuse to come back,” says Ansarullah Mawlafizada, the trial judge.

Wait for it.

“Islam is a religion of peace, tolerance, kindness and integrity. That is why we have told him if he regrets what he did, then we will forgive him,” he told the BBC News website.

Sometimes I think words don’t mean what I think they mean.

Don’t Shoot The Puppy. Don’t.

Level 5 is just too mean.

I’ve finally finished uploading the photos from New York. They’re all in a set here. While not as good as some, I’m quite happy with them.

—

I fulfilled a life ambition while I was there by skating on the Central Park ice rink. It wasn’t christmas, but the sky was a deep blue and the sun was shining, so I was happy My skating isn’t great, but I only fell over once, admittedly in spectacular flailing-arms fashion.

I took a couple of photos on the ice, then got a little over-excited and phoned Dad to tell him what I was doing. I was then promptly told off for using a phone on the rink - oops. Felt a bit ashamed at that for a while, but got over it
—

On the first night I headed into town to find something to eat. A nearby steak house seemed to be exactly what I was after, and the menu looked reasonable. I was shown to a table and upon examining the menu I discovered that the steak was $38 - around £22. Gulping, I ordered one. I asked if it came with french fries, and was told it didn’t. This confused me - what kind of steak doesn’t come with chips? So I ordered a plate on the side. I started to get a hint as to what would come next when the waiter delivered an enormous knife. Really, it was massive. I think they used it to kill the cow. Ten minutes later, the steak arrived. I took a photo with my hand as a comparison, but it came out fairly dark:

There’s a sprig of broccoli on the left, but the rest is all meat. Wow. That is the largest steak I have ever seen, let alone eaten! I managed most of the meat, but left the fat around one edge. Half the chips were left over, too. Including tip, the whole thing came to around $60, which is the most expensive meal I’ve ever had for just me…The rest of the weekend was far cheaper - breakfast the next day cost $3.70 plus a $1 tip!

—

My hotel clearly had thin walls - I’ve never overheard anybody having sex before. Having said that, the couple in question were rather vocal…

—

Central Park is an amazingly peaceful place. Considering its location, it was surprisingly easy to forget there was a huge city around you. The reservoir in the centre was very calm. This guy was busking, and the saxophone created a very pleasant atmosphere:

—

I saw a pet chauffeur. Really.

—

There were a surprising number of dogs in NY, and they seemed to increase the further south I went. I guess that’s where the more residential housing is. They were fairly large dogs, too, not your handbag-stuffers.

—

Last year I happened to walk into Trafalgar Square during the anti-war rally on the second anniversary of the Iraq invasion. This year exactly the same thing happened in Times Square.

Weird coincidence, given that I wasn’t taking part in either. The placards say “Stop the war in Iran” and “Troops out now”. Both of which I thought were pretty silly.

While I was in Bryant Park various protesters tried to give me leaflets, as well as little toy soldiers in various positions of death. Nice. I wish I’d taken the figures, now.

—

At the airport on the way back I saw a sign for Hooters Air. And it turns out to really be what you’d think. Wouldn’t you just feel like a creep? I’m sure the stewardesses are getting paid well, but still…

—

Bryant Park is a pleasant little plaza behind the New York Public Library. There are many seats and a couple of places to buy drinks - it’s a great place to relax after a morning of walking around the crowded streets. It looks great at night, too.

—

I think three days was about my limit. By the end of Monday all the little mistakes I’d made were building up to make me nervous about doing anything, which only made things worse. You know it’s bad when you can’t figure out how the mailbox works, or find the door to restaurants I’m weird like that - I can have a hundred tiny victories, but one mistake and I convince myself I’m useless. The whole trip should be a great confidence-booster for the future, though, and I’m extremely happy I went.

There’s apparently a new Superman Returns trailer doing the rounds, but it doesn’t appear to be online as yet. In the meantime, there’s the original teaser in 1080p High Definition, which is the first video I’ve ever seen that’s too large to fit on my monitor at native resolution. The music still gives me shivers.

It all started when screenwriter Josh Friedman posted about a film he’d been asked to work on called ‘Snakes on a Plane’. They wanted to rename it ‘Pacific Air Twenty-One’ or something, but pressure from the star, Samuel L. Jackson, resulted in the original name staying.

Snakes. On. A. Plane.

It’s just genius. What more do you need to know? Like Josh says:

It’s a title. It’s a concept. It’s a poster and a logline and whatever else you need it to be. It’s perfect. Perfect. It’s the Everlasting Gobstopper of movie titles.

“Snakes on a Plane” has apparently become synonymous with “that’s life”. That’s just the way it is - snakes on a plane.

And now there’s a trailer, and it’s everything you could ever hope it would be. The first thing you see is Samuel L. Jackson saying:

Enough is enough. I’ve had it with these snakes.

Followed by many, many snakes. Amock. On a plane.

I’m looking forward to this one.

Update: Ben points out this article, which contains the following paragraph:

The [fan-created trailer] uses a Jackson sound-alike shouting, “I want these motherfscking snakes off the motherfscking plane!” Soon, the growing legion of fans added their voices as they demanded that that phrase also appear in the movie. Apparently, the studio got the hint. When Ellis assembled Jackson and others for the recent shoot, the filmmakers added more gore, more death, more nudity, more snakes and more death scenes. And they shot a scene where Jackson does utter the line that fans have demanded.

I can’t decide whether that’s very cool, very funny, entirely dumb, or all three

You know how sometimes you’re not sure whether the milk is off? You smell it, but can’t quite tell. It might be, but then again, it might not. Like Jerry Seinfeld says, you’ve never smelled milk! So you take a sip. And you never think to make it a very tiny sip, because, really, how often is the milk off? So you take a sip, and then aren’t really sure. It doesn’t taste quite right, so maybe it’s nearly off. Can milk even be nearly off? You put it onto your cereal, and all is well, and you never think of it again.

Then, there’s the other scenario.

You take a small sip, and as it arrives onto your tongue you realise that it’s just too viscous. There are worse moments in the life of a human being, but not many. For you know that in the time it takes for nerves to transmit their signals, you’re going to taste it. And then you do. And it is bad. Your immediate reaction is to spit it out, but the House Beautiful part of the brain interrupts and points out that this really would make a terrible mess. A far better course of action would be to make your way to the sink. This is a very, very long walk.

The moral of this story is: there is no unsure when it comes to milk being off. If it is, there’s just no question.

Thus endeth today’s lesson. Bleurgh.

I’m back! I’ve had two hours of sleep in the last twenty-four, and am somewhat less than lucid. Oh look, ponies.

The flight back was surprisingly comfortable, perhaps because I arrived early and was given one of the first seats. I chatted to the kindly old lady from Poland sitting next to me, and thought for a while that she was worried about the flight. Within moments of taking off, though, she was happily staring out of the window, and we tried to get our bearings. We figured it out once Manhattan came into view:

Sorry for the blur - it was a rather hasty shot.

My TV unit was working on the return flight and I watched The Constant Gardener before catching a couple of hours sleep.

Last time I got back from the US I’d had no sleep at all and collapsed at 1500, breaking my sleep patterns completely for almost three weeks. I’m determined to stay up until a reasonable hour this time.

It’s cold. It really is. I walked from 30th St. down to Battery Park and back today, and the wind was out to get me. Brrrrr. The prevailing temperature measurement system here makes no sense, but I’d guess it’s just above freezing
Yesterday was wonderful to the extent that it made me sad today. I once read a story about a woman who stored memories in jars and placed them on mantlepieces, reliving the experiences whenever she wanted. I see her inspiration.

Battery Park, the southern tip of the island, was, quite frankly, a complete mess. It’s being massively redeveloped (the drawings look stunning) but currently it’s just one big building site. It’s a shame, but it should look great when complete. On the way I passed through the World Trade Centre Site, which was only a little changed (on the surface, anyway) from when I saw it 18 months ago. I see on the news that they’re still arguing about the replacement building. Personally I say build something taller, stronger and wonderful. Sure it’ll be a target, but so will whatever you put there. Of course the point of view of the man who said they should built a strip club on the site. After all, there’s not much that would piss off the Islamic fundamentalists more…

I so want to see this. A Vampire musical with music and lyrics by Elton John and Bernie Taupin? Sounds great. It doesn’t open until the 25th, though, and I guess ticket prices would be through the roof at first anyway. I haven’t read the original Anne Rice novels, but they’re going onto my wishlist once I get home.

Shall be off. Goodnight, or good morning, or that kind of thing.

People selling bagels on street…check
Tall, majestic architecture…check
Havens of tranquility buried amongst city streets…check
Taxi drivers with a deathwish…check
Many people in hats…check
Live leprechaun strippers…check

Yep, I must be in New York. I missed the St. Patrick’s day parade by a couple of hours, but some guy in Times Square just asked if I wanted to see live leprechaun strippers. Two men behind me actually agreed, and were given directions…I don’t think I want to imagine that. I have this image of Mick Hucknall that nobody should be made to suffer.

I survived the plane journey and actually managed to navigate the various airports without doing anything too dumb, which is a first Immigration didn’t take me into a small room and interrogate me for having a subversive website, either. I had to give two fingerprints and a photograph (oh, and sign a form saying I wasn’t plotting against the US - those devious form designers), and there were sniffer dogs walking around the baggage collection point.

My seat-back television was broken so I couldn’t watch any films on the plane, but that meant I got through Blink (by Malcolm Gladwell) in one day. Like The Tipping Point, it’s utterly fascinating. Somewhat unnerving, however.

I just walked past the church of Scientology building. These are people who believe in aliens, spaceships and complete woo-woo kakspam, and they have a very prominent home in the centre of the city. There’s definitely something wrong, here…

Don’t even ask what I just had for tea. I have photos, but I can’t upload them here (a somewhat delapidated EasyInternet cafe), so you’ll have to wait for that…Heavens.

Four hours of sleep in the last 24 means I’m not really at my best. Even though it’s still only 2100 I think I’ll head back to the hotel.