It actually only works if you’re in front of a mirror, during the witching hour

I know somebody who has entire conversations in his sleep. He’s been overheard discussing the next day’s shopping, for example. I’m not in touch with him any more, but hopefully he hasn’t converted to Islam in the meantime:

A Muslim couple in India has been told by local Islamic leaders they must separate after the husband “divorced” his wife in his sleep, the Press Trust of India reported.

Sohela Ansari told friends that her husband Aftab had uttered the word “talaq,” or divorce, three times in his sleep, according to the report published in newspapers Monday.

Some obscure religious law, no doubt. Presumably this is easily solved? Not so much.

[If] the couple, married for 11 years with three children…wanted to remarry they would have to wait at least 100 days. Sohela would also have to spend a night with another man and be divorced by him in turn.

Hey, look. If it’s what god says, who are we to argue that it’s completely stupid?

Actually, it turns out that other muslims are saying this makes no sense.

“This is a totally unnecessary controversy and the local ‘community leaders’ or whosoever has said it are totally ignorant of Islamic law,” said Zafarul-Islam Khan, an Islamic scholar and editor of The Milli Gazette, a popular Muslim newspaper.

After all, what kind of system would it be where enunciating a particular word could cause a divorce that nobody wants? That would be silly. Let’s all laugh and get on with our lives.

“The law clearly says any action under compulsion or in a state of intoxication has no effect. The case of someone uttering something while asleep falls under this category and will have no impact whatsoever,”

Ah. So there exists a law that says repeating a word three times requires forced divorce, then. That’s not a law, that’s a spell.