And then you don’t get any breakfast

You know how sometimes you’re not sure whether the milk is off? You smell it, but can’t quite tell. It might be, but then again, it might not. Like Jerry Seinfeld says, you’ve never smelled milk! So you take a sip. And you never think to make it a very tiny sip, because, really, how often is the milk off? So you take a sip, and then aren’t really sure. It doesn’t taste quite right, so maybe it’s nearly off. Can milk even be nearly off? You put it onto your cereal, and all is well, and you never think of it again.

Then, there’s the other scenario.

You take a small sip, and as it arrives onto your tongue you realise that it’s just too viscous. There are worse moments in the life of a human being, but not many. For you know that in the time it takes for nerves to transmit their signals, you’re going to taste it. And then you do. And it is bad. Your immediate reaction is to spit it out, but the House Beautiful part of the brain interrupts and points out that this really would make a terrible mess. A far better course of action would be to make your way to the sink. This is a very, very long walk.

The moral of this story is: there is no unsure when it comes to milk being off. If it is, there’s just no question.

Thus endeth today’s lesson. Bleurgh.