Express Mail

Dear Mr Man-I-Saw-On-The-Stratford-Road,

Thank you very much for flashing your lights at me this morning. When I rounded the corner and saw the police officers, I realised that you were warning me of the possibility of being fined for speeding. However, it may have escaped your attention that I was not, in fact, speeding. Furthermore, I actually had no intention of doing so.

Perhaps you noticed that the road we were travelling along has many houses, side-streets and obscured driveways? I suggest that I would deserve to get fined were I to speed along it. The fact that the road is straight does not actually cause me accelerate to whatever arbitrary speed I have decided is safe.

That’s aside from the small matter of the law, which is not, contrary to your apparent opinion, formed just to annoy drivers. Speed limits, it may surprise you to know, are there for safety reasons, and given that you have the privilege of driving a vehicle capable of killing somebody in a split-second it is not unreasonable to expect you to follow them, and the police to enforce them.

If, next time, you could perhaps not assume I’m an ignorant, law-breaking, dangerous, arrogant fool like yourself, I would appreciate it very much.

Many thanks,