I like puns. Puns are funny. Maybe they’re the lowest form of wit, but that appears to be a well-contested position, and I don’t care anyway. I like conversations to be regular puntomimes. I do not mind people groaning when I say something silly - indeed, this is often the desired reaction. However, as of right now if you feel the need to say the words ‘badoom-tish’ after I make a pun, I will gut you with the nearest pencil. I can’t take it any more.

Some people just use onomatopoeia, while others insist on miming the playing of drums and crashing of cymbals. It’s called a rimshot, but around me it’s known as A Fast Way to Die. If you are guilty of this crime against humanity, please stop. For your own sake. Just don’t do it. I can hurt you.

That is all.