An Exercise in Reason

Cause: Andrew’s not-yet-patented Eurovision Song Contest Decision Making Tally Counting Act Judging Generator Machine triumphs in spectacular style.

Effect: Much consternation and deriviative comments from the, what’s the word – ah yes: losers.

You see, that’s two years in a row that I’ve correctly predicted the result of the contest using the aforementioned Document of Destiny, and much bitterness did this cause. Not adoration, or wonder, or tongue-based cleaning of boots, but insult. I was accused of being biased towards chesticular vibration and general prettiness over other virtues of performance. Let us examine those claims in more detail. Greece, the winners, received the following scores:

Dance Routine – Energy: 8
Dance Routine – Inneundo: 8
Overall Campage: 8
Catchiness: 9
Singing Ability: 8
General Clothing Style: 7
Cringeworthiness: 7

These results bettered every other act. In debating circles, this method of winning an argument is known as the In Your Face technique.

It will likely be pointed out that other people using the sheet did not award Greece the highest score. I suggest that a bad tool always blames its workman. There was also a minor revolt in which certain people subverted the Sheet of Seer into their own crude marking system, which consisted of the following standards, in ascending order: Shit, Shite, Ok, Banging. This method, unsurprisingly, was as effective as twiglets in a crisis.

So, to conclude: I win.