Today I closed down Ballistic Duck Systems. I’ve been preparing for this for a while, and today the letters went out to my clients. I’ve shut down the website too, though the email addresses will still work. Although I liked the idea of running my own computer company, I wasn’t terribly good at it, and was increasingly unhappy. Kate was the only thing keeping me going for most of this year, and even before we split up I was thinking of cutting back substantially. Mum and Dad have been rocks over the last few months while I’ve been deciding what to do and basically rebuilding myself from the ground up, and I’m incredibly grateful to them. Also Ben, Lynsey and Nod have been great listeners and have shown me that nobody thinks I’m a failure, which is something I was worried about, and I owe them huge thanks too.
So here’s the plan. I’m working on two A-levels from home through the National Extension College. One is Maths, as it’s always riled me that I dropped it early at college, leaving me with a D. I think that I now understand the value of learning, something I was completely unaware of at college, so I should do much better this time around. The other is Physics, a subject I’ve become increasingly interested in over the past couple of years. I’m filling my time with piano lessons, computer games and reading; I also want to get into a regular routine to get some good writing in. My writing course fell by the wayside a bit during my OU courses, so I shall try to get back into that. I’ve got to be more social as I’ve realised that, despite my theories about doing fine on my own, I’m at my happiest when surrounded by friends, so shall try to proactively arrange get-togethers and similar.
Assuming that I enjoy the physics A-level as much as I think I will, the plan is to then do a physics degree. Of all the universities I’ve visited Oxford is by far the nicest, so I’d love to go there. I’m not as brilliant as the people I know who went, though, so we’ll have to see how the A-level goes.
So that’s that. Another new beginning for me. I’m hoping that this one won’t falter. I’m simultaneously scared and excited. Last week I received an email from myself sent exactly a year ago. I can’t imagine where I’ll be this time in three.