This is an AOL CD:

This is my car:

Bwahahahahahahahahahah.

The above AOL cd infiltrated my home via the postal service. AOL and similarly helpful software would normally be countered by vigilant security systems, but sadly this was foiled by Snail Mail. This is a typically sneaky trick. Had I not noticed I could well have found my computer infested. I have no need of software that mimics Windows’ built in functionality, except not very well. It had to be exterminated.

Here’s Adolf the CD posing with a nice bunch of flowers.

Here’s Adolf in a tree.

Here’s Adolf in the birdbath. I suspect he realised something was up at this point.

And here’s Adolf in the compost heap. I quickly realised I may have made a terrible mistake. What if he multiplied or grew in some way?! I swiftly removed him. At this point he realised the error of his ways, confessing he’d have much preferred to be a nice Freeserve CD, but that he was drawn in by the woman in the advert and the promise of new versions every six months. His digital self fled, his last plea being that his host body should be destroyed. Who am I to say no?

This was the beginning of the end for Adolf.

I squashed him…

…but sadly this didn’t quite have the impact I had hoped. He remained intact.

So I introduced him to Mr Brick.

The first photograph is the brick falling, in case you were wondering. This was a good start, but…

…it was still taunting me with ‘Sign Up to AOL today!’. I saw red.

I brought along Mr Big Heavy Thing That Holds The Gate Shut. Adolf has string tied to him as I was originally intending to construct an impromptu [one of those things where children fill a bag with sweets then hang it from a tree then hit it with sticks that nobody seems to have heard of but me despite us making one in infant school and it appearing in The Emperor's New Groove], but then changed my mind.

Yes, the first time I missed. The union of Adolf and Mr BHTTHTGS was more visually successful than previous efforts.

But still the text still mocked me with its resilience. I had a cunning idea.

A little AOL soup.

Just a touch of seasoning…

…and twenty minutes later, a nicely softened Adolf…

…that could easily be chopped up…

…and made into a lovely sandwich!

Yum yum yum.