My Renault Clio has been playing up recently. Let it be clear from here on in that I know absoloutely nothing about how cars work. Some kind of fuel is converted to energy which in turn allows me to move. There are things called carburettors, fan belts, catalytic convertors and batteries in the engine compartment. There’s also a wheel that I turn (which is apparently directly connected to the other, bigger, wheels…being a computer person, this is a slightly odd concept; the handbrake works in a similar way, I hear.) And that’s pretty much it. Based on this knowledge, I can say that my car has a cold.

It does, really. You get into it and after a minute of two it starts to shudder and shake. Poor love, just needs a bit of warmth. In a rare lucid moment, however, I last week booked it into the Renault garage for Monday 25th. I then promptly had to cancel this when I got calls from four separate clients with problems that needed sorting that day. I’m going to York this weekend, and was somewhat concerned that I might combust en route (cars do that, you know, I see it on TV all the time), so called in a favour at a Ford Dealership whose computers I look after. They had a quick look today and said that there’s an electrical problem causing the car to stutter, but that it drives fine and I needn’t worry about an abrupt one-to-one with Mr (or, more likely, Mrs) Entropy. I still have to get it checked out by the Renault garage, so I’ll try to book it in for next week.

I’ve had the Clio for twenty-one months now, and it’s had to go into the garage three times, including this one. The first was a problem with the airbags, the second a general ’service light came on’ problem. I don’t know how this compares with other cars, but I thought it might be of interest to anyone looking for a vehicle, as I imagine many of my friends will be within eight or nine months.