I always get a wake-up call when my friends come back for the holidays and talk about their ambitions and aspirations. They’ve spent the last three years getting a degree (as well as, arguably more importantly, experience of university life and coping by oneself) and now have a solid base from which to launch into whatever they like…whereas I have much less to show for it. I get moments of panic during which I wonder whether I’ve made a terrible mistake. I soon remember my reasons for not going to university, which although slightly muddled at the time do stand up in hindsight. However I mustn’t get complacent.
I don’t know whether it’s a good idea to judge myself against my friends…on one hand they are of a similar intelligence and background and it would be foolish not to see what and how they are getting on in life, as there is no reason I shouldn’t be able to do the same. On the other, maybe I should just do what makes me happy, as everyone’s different. But is that just cunningly disguised laziness?
One of my greatest fears is getting to old age and realising I’ve wasted my life. I often hear that people should make plans for where they want to be in five/ten years time. That’s difficult. In my experience the most exciting parts of life are completely unexpected…or perhaps that’s too narrow…maybe just unpredicted. If you make a plan and stick to it then of course that would be satisfying, but is it worth doing if it’s not enjoyable? Of course, you could aim for a solid bedrock from which to start climbing into the world, but I’m young, damn it, the world is still my oyster. If I don’t have loftier aspirations now who’s to say they’ll still be available in a few year’s time? Putting things off rarely works out. But planning invariably does…As ever, I imagine that somewhere between the two lies a stable lagrange point. I don’t think I’m mature enough to decide on any kind of career, so I’m going to have to work on the short term. That’s the plan for this weekend. I’ve got a few ideas, let’s see where they lead…This is kinda fun 🙂