As I think I’ve mentioned before, I’m seriously considering signing up to a DVD-rental website. Nod very kindly sent me a long list of them, which I’ve been working my way down. dvdsontap seem to be pretty good, and newsgroup posts seem to like them too. They’ve got a large selection, including a lot of TV shows box-sets, split up into their constituent DVDs. I quite fancy watching Law & Order or Miami Vice, but the box sets cost £45ish in the shops, so I’ve never wanted to take the risk. Renting just the first DVD would be a good solution. However, there’s a large caveat to dvdsontap. You can rent…I can barely say it…Midsomer Murders. I’m assuming they store it in some kind of pressurised container or something, or it might contaminate the surrounding DVDs. What if CSI was next to it?
Witness: I didn’t see anything at all, I wasn’t there
Grissom: Hmmm. Get me some tea, Catherine.
Witness: I only met the victim once…
Grissom: Hmmm. Stop making eyes at my daughter, Catherine.
Witness: Would you care for a scone?
Grissom: Scone! That sounds a bit like bone. Bones are dug up by dogs. You’ve got a dog. Did you by any chance happen to buy your dog recently from the local dogs home?
Witness: Why, yes I did.
Grissom: And while you were there, did you happen to see anybody?
Witness: Come to think of it, yes I did. I saw [insert baddie’s name]. He was asking whether he could rent a rottweiler.
Grisson: That’s a lie! I know, because I saw a school photograph of you and [insert baddie’s name] when I was helping my wife clear out an old room full of junk just yesterday. You did it together!
Witness: I admit it. I did it. But [insert baddie’s name] is planning to steal a candle from the old church! And the only person there is Mr Tod, the 90-year-old vicar who’s just had the hip replacement!
Grissom: Quick! To the Troymobile!
Why did the absurdist cross the road?
Seventeen fish sticks.